Life

Mary Kelly: Hope for Covid and US, not so much for Stormont, Steve or his lordship

It’s called the history department, Steve, and if you up periscope you might see academics have already done quite a lot of work in that area

UUP leader Steve Aiken might have a word with Lord Kilclooney rather than calling for a professorship of unionism at Queen's. Picture by Niall Carson/PA
UUP leader Steve Aiken might have a word with Lord Kilclooney rather than calling for a professorship of unionism at Queen's. Picture by Niall Carson/PA UUP leader Steve Aiken might have a word with Lord Kilclooney rather than calling for a professorship of unionism at Queen's. Picture by Niall Carson/PA

REASONS to be cheerful. A Covid vaccine is on the horizon and the headlines pointing to “normal life by spring” are truly heartening. Also, despite his 70 odd million votes, Trump will soon have the bailiffs at the White House front door. Melania is said to be counting the days.

And best of all, and thanks to those kind people who asked about her, my 93-year-old mum has made a good recovery from her Covid diagnosis a few weeks ago.

Meanwhile, up at dysfunctional Stormont, they cannot agree on what businesses can and cannot reopen. At the time of writing, the chief medical officer wanted an additional two-week extension to the four-week circuit break we’d endured. The DUP didn’t agree and were claiming the other parties were breaking the agreement made four weeks ago that it would end with the reduction of the R rate.

But as Covid is an unpredictable pandemic, it’s surely impossible to make hard and fast rules. Of course I’d like the nail bars, hairdressers and cafés open. But if the scientists say no, then I don’t think my roots are more important than people’s lives.

It is bad news for the hospitality industry, but businesses need clarity most of all. That’s not easy with government ministers who neither like, nor trust each other and are given to doing solo-run interviews and briefings to get their own spake out to the public first rather than discussing like adults and reaching a compromise which can be disguised as consensus.

If two more weeks makes for a smoother Christmas season, then many restaurateurs will accept it, as long as their staff are compensated by the state. But give them proper notice to allow them to plan properly.

* * *

I APPEARED on BBC Talkback some months ago with Lord Kilclooney, on the subject of calls for the abolition or reduction of the House of Lords.

Despite his stout defence of that over-stuffed retirement home for political cronies, it now seems as if his lordship is mounting a one-man-band campaign to bring the chamber into international disrepute by his latest tweet-tastrophe. He attracted the attention of the New York Times, no less, after his comment referring to the US vice-president elect, Kamala Harris, as “the Indian”.

Faced with a storm of criticism, Kilclooney denied he was racist, as he has two tenants who are Indian. Seriously?

Instead, he said he merely didn’t know her name, despite the fact that it’s been in the news for the last six months. His lordship apparently lives under a rock where there is little communication with the outside world.

He can master Twitter (sort of) but apparently doesn’t know how to google anyone’s name.

He has form of course, as a keen student of the Edwin Poots school of political diplomacy. Kilclooney also referred to the then taoiseach Leo Varadkar as “the Indian” and later claimed it was because he couldn’t spell his name.

So thanks to his intervention, readers of the NYT were told that the House of Lords was often influenced by patronage and cronyism.

“In recent decades it has become known mainly as a sinecure for wealthy donors and other well connected types.”

Bet he’ll be really popular in the Lords’ tea-room after this.

Maybe Submarine Steve Aiken could have a word in his ear instead of calling for a new professor at Queen’s University Belfast to study unionism and its contribution to Northern Ireland. It’s called the history department, Steve, and if you up periscope you might see academics have already done quite a lot of work in that area.

* * *

I WAS sorry to hear about the death of former presenter and writer Helen Madden, known to many as Miss Helen, of UTV ‘s Romper Room.

I was too old to know her in that role. Her predecessor, Miss Adrienne, was the presenter I recall calling out names into her “Magic mirror” and desperately waiting for her to say she could see “Mary”.

But I came across Helen some years ago when she officiated at the humanist wedding of a friend’s daughter in Donegal.

There was a surreal moment at the lakeside venue as all the guests over 50 started murmuring among themselves as the familiar-looking blonde woman recited the vows. And sure enough, it was indeed Miss Helen herself.

A group of us ribbed her afterwards about why she never saw any Irish names through her magic mirror. During the reception, she picked up her table mat and called out “ Romper, Bomper, Stomper Boo… tell me, tell me, tell me do... Magic Mirror tell me today, did my friends have fun at play? I can see Seamus, I can see Paddy, I can see Sinéad and all those other whinging Taigs out there...”

She brought the house down. RIP.