FIVE months ago, I had what is now assumed to have been Covid-19. At the time, I didn’t feel too bad and never went for a test or anything – it felt a bit like flu and so I just went to bed for a couple of days. After a few days, I thought I was better, but the odd thing was that it left me so very tired. Not normal tired – really exhausted and unable to do anything tired, even getting out of bed to go to the loo was exhausting.
I put up with this for a couple of weeks then tried to see my doctor, which I did online with a video call. He was just dismissive and said I was probably depressed (I’d been working from home). I didn’t feel depressed but it sort of made sense because everything seems so scary, both jobwise and in the world at large. He prescribed anti-depressants, but I thought they made me worse as I was even more exhausted, so after I’d been on them for six weeks, I called him back.
By this time, I was getting all kind of odd things happening to me. I got weird aches and pains; my hair started to fall out; some days I’d be running a temperature but then the next day it was gone, things like that. Again, my doctor was quite dismissive and although he didn’t actually say it, he implied it was all in my head and suggested an appointment with a counsellor.
That was four weeks ago and I’m still waiting – but I can’t see it doing any good and I don’t feel any better. I feel like I’m going crazy! I’ve heard of other people who still feel ill after they’ve had this virus, so why aren’t doctors picking up on it and doing something?
KW
FIONA SAYS: It’s unfortunate that it seems your doctor isn’t keeping up to date with what’s happening regarding this virus. It sounds like you could be one of several people experiencing what is now being referred to as ‘Long Covid’. Whilst most people recover from Covid-19 after around two weeks, research suggests that a smaller number are left with sometimes quite debilitating symptoms that linger on.
However, there is no definitive answer on how to treat it and research is only now beginning to scratch the surface. Viruses are known to trigger all kinds of different responses in people, and chronic fatigue, such as you are experiencing, is not an uncommon response to a virus. The same is true for hair loss, in some cases.
Please talk to your doctor again and discuss this with him – you need help in managing what you’re going through.
If he is unwilling to listen, or if you think you would be more comfortable asking for another opinion, then ask for this. You are not obliged to keep seeing the same GP. The NHS is under pressure – but it hasn’t shut down and as you’ve been feeling unwell for a number of months now, you really do need to see someone who is prepared to try and help.
You are not going crazy and you are certainly not alone in experiencing this. Remember though – even if the virus has triggered your symptoms, talking to a counsellor could still be very beneficial, as they can help you in developing strategies to manage this tricky chapter and talking about it all might be really helpful. So it might be a good idea to pursue that too, alongside following up with a doctor.
IS MY FRIENDSHIP WITH A MUCH OLDER PERSON ODD?
I WAS on my way to visit a very close friend of mine and was standing outside her house looking at my phone, when I heard her neighbour talking about me to his wife.
He was completely unaware I was nearby and proceeded to say that the only reason I visited my friend is because she’s a lady of 88, and I’m trying to get something left to me in her will.
This really hurt me. I have known this lady for over 30 years and count her as one of my closest friends, even if she is 40 or so years older than me. At times she has been more like a mother, especially when my own parents were giving me such a hard time as a teenager. The last thing I want to happen is for her to die.
I’ve been so careful – not going into her house, but doing her shopping and so forth, so she doesn’t have to go out.
I’ve visited her most days because I worry about her feeling isolated, and if I can’t see her, I video-call her.
She’s the most important person in my life, but overhearing what this man thinks has now got me wondering if friendships with such large age gaps are a bit odd after all. Should I tackle this man about what he said?
FF
FIONA SAYS: Please don’t let this thoughtless idiot spoil what is obviously a deep and meaningful friendship for you.
Trustworthy and loving friends of any age are a rare commodity – and they’re certainly not to be discarded simply on the say-so of an empty-headed gossip.
While your friend is very lucky to have you around – especially now – it’s perfectly clear, from what you say, that you are lucky to have her too. It is absolutely not the business of a neighbour like this to put any doubts in your head, or hers, about the value of such a friendship. You and your friend have a long history together – don’t let an idiot like this spoil something so precious.
Continue to help your friend and keep her as safe as you possibly can during this pandemic. Given her age she, is in the high-risk category and although it must be deeply frustrating for her, keeping herself away from other people is her best protection.
I am not sure it will achieve anything, but if you want to set this gossiping man straight, I suggest you wait until an opportunity presents itself to talk about your long-standing friendship. Don’t mention that you overheard his comments; instead, stress how much you value your friendship with this lady and what it means to have someone in your life you can really trust. Hopefully, your example might inspire him to try to be a better friend himself.
Whether or not you decide to tell your friend what you heard her neighbour say is up to you. I suggest you are cautious because although the man has hurt your feelings, he is obviously concerned about your friend himself. And a concerned neighbour is better to have than an indifferent one.
HOW CAN I TELL MY BOYFRIEND I’VE MET SOMEONE ELSE?
MY boyfriend and I have been going out for about three years and I’d assumed that one day we’d get married. However, I’ve now met someone new who has made me question whether this relationship is what I really want, as this new guy is considerate, gentle and great fun to be around.
My boyfriend has quite a temper and often puts me down in front of other people, and while I have no idea whether the other guy is even attracted to me, he’s made me think. My problem is, how do I handle telling my boyfriend, as I’m worried how he will react.
PK
FIONA SAYS: There is no painless way to tell someone that it’s over, but delaying telling him won’t help.
How you tell him is important. Try to stay calm and explain that you think it’s best if you and he go your separate ways. If he pushes for an explanation, tell him that you’ve realised you are not in love with him, and that you believe that’s what is needed for a good relationship.
If you’re really worried as to how he’ll react then I suggest you select a public place, with plenty of people around when you tell him. There is no reason why you should mention the other man – it’s not as if you’re started a new relationship with him, even though it’s clear you’d like to.
SO UPSET THAT MY EX IS HAVING A BABY
I’VE struggled to get over the break-up of my marriage and thought I was just beginning to see light at the end of the tunnel, when I found out my ex and his new girlfriend are expecting a baby.
When we were together, he always said he didn’t want children and I accepted that, even though I did. Now I feel that, at 35, it’s too late for me and that this other woman has everything that I should have – a husband, a family and a nice home. I feel so alone and so hurt and jealous.
GT
FIONA SAYS: It’s understandable that news like this can really sting. I’m sure lots of people would relate. But you were getting over the break-up of your marriage – and it’s really OK for that to take a long time, divorce is very hard – and it’s only this news that has knocked you back.
Stop and think for a minute – what is going on in his life should play no part in how you approach yours. Whatever your ex and his new lady are doing now is up to them and should play no part in your thinking.
You are still relatively young and still have time to have children. Plenty of women start their families in their 40s these days, so have a good rant or a cry if it helps and then try to move on. This isn’t failure on your part, it’s an opportunity to start realising some of your own dreams and aspirations. You deserve all the things you hope for – but with the right person for you.
If you have a problem you need help with, email Fiona by writing to help@askfiona.net for advice. All letters are treated in complete confidence and, to protect this privacy, Fiona is unable to pass on your messages to other readers. Fiona regrets that she cannot enter into personal correspondence.
