Sleb Safari: Britney Spears versus Mark Wahlberg in the battle of the home gyms
TIME to check in with Britney Spears again, because the last time we did she had burned down her home gym. Remember "I had two candles and, yeah, one thing led to another and I burned it down"? Yeah, that.
Lockdown Britney is excellent on Instagram. She's encouraging fans to wear face coverings and leading by example, wearing swimwear and a mask at the beach which is an absolute lewk.
Britney's also been sharing workout videos from *that* home gym. She introduced a recent video thus: "Hi guys, I'm in my gym today and yes, it is the gym that I burned down, it's still not fixed yet but I'm getting there. Anyhow – ".
Then she detailed exercises "which really do help with getting a tight buttocks". Never stop being you, Britney.
believe it or not really do help with getting a tight buttocks . I didn’t have time to show the full routine in the video …. but trust me it will kick your ass !!!!! I hope you all are taking care of yourselves and staying healthy …. it’s also really important to learn to meditate and stretch for clarity. Stay safe my friends and God Bless you all ????????!!!!! PS I shot this on Father’s Day five days ago …. June 21st to be exact !!!!!? ? --? ? Side to side stretches - 100x ?? Up and down legs raises - 50x?? In and out - 50x?? Circles - 50x?? Repeat L shape all 3 ?? Repeat w/ other leg?? Hands and knees leg raises - 50x?? Side leg raises - 50x?? Repeat w/ other leg?? Squats - 150x?? Jumping Jacks - 150x?? Posture?? Knee backbend - 50x?? Downward dog - 50x?? Push ups - 50x?? Stretch?? Short workout but it kicks your buttocks ??
Moving across the country now, we travel to the Catskill Mountains in New York State where Scotland's Alan Cumming – the man with a glint of mischief in his eyes – has been locked down with his husband. How has Alan been passing the time? Why, in all manner of ways:
"I spent one afternoon wandering through the woods wielding a knife and eating vegan meatloaf, pretending it was a dead rabbit. I was recording a play for the National Theatre of Scotland on my phone. I can't imagine what anyone who saw me doing that was thinking."
Yes, yes you can, Alan.
And what else has he been up to?
"I made a loaf of bread, and then thought, 'What the hell am I doing?' I don't even eat bread normally," he explained to the Guardian.
"I've been painting benches and running around with barrels full of rocks making paths and drywalls. And I've started power-washing the decking, which is amazing. Spraying away gunk is spiritually cleansing."
The last time Sleb Safari power-washed decking it got stung by a bee – or a wasp – and ended up with cellulitis. Fun! It was more a bacterial than spiritual cleansing, thanks to the subsequent antibiotics.
Our final stop-off is at Mark Wahlberg's house, where you need to come bearing gifts of protein powder to get across the door. The big news is that "the 3am club is back". That's not the time Mark crawls home after a great night out, it's the unfathomable time he and his team start their daily workout.
The club must have been shuttered during lockdown but in an Instagram video he confirmed that it's back in business. His trainer said she got up at 2am, showered and drove to Mark's house for 3am club. His chef said he got up at 1am. Would you? Could you?
Sleb Safari would take Britney and her burned-out home gym over Mark and his 3am club anytime.
Mark Wahlberg is allergic to just about everything
BACK to Chez Wahlberg, where Mark is coming to terms with the fact he is allergic to just about everything. Marky Mark shared a photograph of his back after undergoing allergy testing and it looks like he ate a tin of Quality Street by himself and then got bitten by an extended family of mosquitoes.
Sleb Safari is no doctor, though it has long been a fan of Casualty, ER and Grey's Anatomy, but by the looks of the braille on Mark's back even a sniff of anything other than steamed broccoli would finish him off.
Anne Hathaway thinks Christopher Nolan is on to something
ANNE Hathaway has offered a view behind the velvet rope of the glamorous world of movie making. Anne was chatting to Hugh Jackman for Variety magazine and shared this tid-bit from the set of Christopher Nolan films.
"He doesn't allow chairs. And his reasoning is, if you have chairs, people will sit, and if they're sitting, they're not working.
"I mean, he has these incredible movies in terms of scope and ambition and technical prowess and emotion. It always arrives at the end under schedule and under budget. I think he's onto something with the chair thing."
Is he though Anne? Is he? Sleb Safari's going to guess that the cast and crew spend a lot of time in the bathroom, slumped on a toilet seat with the lid down, resting.