Life

Mary Kelly: Blond bombshell PM finally introduces lockdown measures

Madonna recorded her message to the world while sitting in her bath, which might’ve have had rose petals scattered across it, but was still disturbingly shallow and cold looking

Prime Minister Boris Johnson this week introduced anti-coronavirus measures that were brought in much earlier by almost every country in the world. Piocture by Victoria Jones/PA
Prime Minister Boris Johnson this week introduced anti-coronavirus measures that were brought in much earlier by almost every country in the world. Piocture by Victoria Jones/PA Prime Minister Boris Johnson this week introduced anti-coronavirus measures that were brought in much earlier by almost every country in the world. Piocture by Victoria Jones/PA

ANOTHER strange week as our blond bombshell PM finally introduces the lockdown measures that were brought in much earlier by almost every country in the world. What is it about British exceptionalism?

The crisis also gave us a chance to remember that politicians are human too. Jim Allister was stopped in his tracks when his question about a constituent who was unable to get chemotherapy reduced Michelle O’Neill to tears. There was no real answer to the question.

One sad aspect of this virus is the impact of social distancing. Before it took hold, I had planned to visit my centenarian uncle in London. Younger brother of lrish News columnist James Kelly who also reached that milestone, Fr Chris was a Passionist priest and due to celebrate his 101st birthday on April 2. I put the travel plans on hold but sadly he died earlier this week.

His carer, Jed, told me he’d earlier asked him what he wanted to do to mark the occasion. “Nothing,” he replied. “After the first hundred, birthdays get a bit boring.”

You always think there will be time ahead. But John Lennon was right. Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.

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I FIND myself wondering if it’s cheating to make a walk to the park and a grocery shop into two separate activities or will there be a new Stasi somewhere clocking your outdoor movements.

Like many people up and down the country, Mothers Day was a gift and a card left in the porch and a wave through the window of our elderly mum’s nursing home, though at least we were spared her famous germ theory.

She believes firmly that people in her day didn’t get sick as often as now because we are all too afraid of dirt and being too clean means we don’t have enough resistance to bugs.

It doesn’t really square with washing your hands constantly but thankfully the home's staff prefer to follow official advice.

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IT’S at times like this when you have to find your pleasures in small things. I no longer have the pleasure of writing this in my local coffee shop while watching people come and go. But my new favourite occupation is checking the background of all the telly types doing interviews from home.

I’m getting a bit bored with Jon Snow’s single bookshelf and my neck is getting a crick from trying to read the spines of his books I notice there aren’t too many Billy bookshelves out there in meeja-land.

After initially scoffing at the explorer Ben Fogle whose book collection was colour co-ordinated, I began to think that a whole shelf of blue books below a shelf of green ones was rather a good look.

This is the sort of thing that can induce house envy, and apparently it’s already becoming a problem. One newspaper reported that the onset of group meetings via Skype had led one lawyer to conclude that his colleagues were getting paid more than him. One was apparently working from his private wine cellar and another had a proper library.

“I couldn’t zoom in enough but it looked like our senior partner has some kind of plunge pool in the room behind his office,” he complained.

I think, though, that in the interests of variety we should see our media folk at different parts of their or house. We should be moving to kitchens by now, then bedrooms, ideally with backdrops that include overflowing laundry baskets and dishes in the sink.

If we can’t ever get a repeat of that joyous moment when Korean politics expert Professor Robert Kelly’s two young children video-bombed his live BBC news interview before being dragged off by their mum, then we need other entertainment.

Madonna has stepped up to the plate. She recorded her message to the world while sitting in her bath, which might’ve have had rose petals scattered across it, but was still disturbingly shallow and cold looking.

Madge has been giving the fans who are missing her cancelled Madam X tour, daily Instagram updates. Her latest is that coronavirus is a great equaliser.

“What’s terrible about it is that it has made us all equal in many ways and what’s wonderful about it is that it’s made us all equal in many ways.” She might need a holiday.

I just want to get back to talking about the important things in life – like will Brad and Jen get back together.