Sleb Safari: Coronavirus gives celebrities new props for their Instagram shots

WHAT a month March is shaping up to be. Already Katy Perry has announced she and acclaimed naked paddleboarder Orlando Bloom are expecting a baby; Yorkshire Tea has issued a gentle reminder to an irate Twitter user that “Sue, you’re shouting at tea” and coronavirus has given celebrities a new set of props for their Instagram shots.

For every superstar posing in a surgical mask there’s another in a dust mask.

Gwyneth Paltrow was first off the blocks; sharing a photo of herself wearing a face mask AND an eye mask on a flight to Paris. She likely popped in earplugs too.

Gwyneth has no need to be alarmed. She is most definitely low-risk to no-risk; coronavirus knows better than to take on that Goop-endorsed immune system.

Cultivating something special at Flax Lane

‘Pilates and paddling are essential in helping me unwind’ - Siobhan Kearney of Menopause NI

Sleb Safari feels that this is the right moment to reiterate advice from the surgeon general in the US to “stop buying masks”.

“They are NOT effective in preventing general public from catching #Coronavirus, but if healthcare providers can’t get them to care for sick patients, it puts them and our communities at risk!”

Peter Andre – the man who implored the Mysterious Girl to “move your body close to mine” – was compelled to issue a statement explaining that fans had not been asked to move their bodies far, far away from him at a meet and greet.

A picture of a sign was shared on social media which read: “Due to recent cases of the coronavirus please DO NOT have any physical contact with Peter Andre. Please DO NOT take any selfies with Peter Andre. Apologies for any inconvenience”.

Peter will not be labelled a diva.

“OK, this must be a wind up because I hugged everyone I met,” he tweeted afterwards.

“People were saying to me that they had been told not to touch me and that there were signs. I thought they were joking. Brilliant. I am now officially a diva without being a diva. On a serious note though, don’t touch me.”

Peter isn’t in the midst of a world tour so hasn’t had to make the difficult decision to cancel the Asian leg, as BTS, Green Day, Stormzy, Avril Lavigne and our elusive chanteuse Mariah Carey have had to.

Then there’s all the talk of stockpiling and self-isolation.

Should some of our beloved celebrities have to self-isolate might they consider congregating on Richard Branson’s Necker Island and quarantining in the manner to which they are accustomed?

As for stockpiling, if you’re going to the shops Sleb Safari will take a jumbo bag of salted peanuts, multi-pack of Hula Hoops and as many packets of Breakaways as you can stip from the shelves.

Of course there are some who aren't all me, me, me.

Katy Perry did her bit by sending a video message to fans in China which was shared on Twitter by the Director-General of the World Health Organization no less.

"I just wanted to send a message to you to let you know that we are all with you during this time, and keep fighting, and stay healthy, and positive as best as you can,” Katy said, from a safe place far, far away.

“We're thinking of you. We are sending our prayers. We're gonna get through this."

As always Bill and Melinda Gates took a more practical approach and donated $100 million towards the containment of the virus.

In a statement released by their foundation they said the funding “will help strengthen detection, isolation and treatment efforts; protect at-risk populations; and develop vaccines, treatments and diagnostics".

Bizarrely, the press release was not accompanied by a photograph of the couple wearing his n hers face masks on a private jet.

And now for the science: wash your hands often; catch your cough or sneeze in a tissue, bin it and wash your hands again. Stay safe and stay calm.

Harry Styles is all set for Halloween

HARRY Styles is already thinking about his Halloween costume and Sleb Safari hopes it speaks for many people when it says it does love a man with a plan.

Harry is a fan of the Netflix docuseries Cheer which is addictive viewing about a cheerleading squad at a small Texas university.

He’s due to play a short in New York at Halloween and was asked what he might dress up as.

“I’ve got some ideas. One idea is the Navarro cheer team. I’m Jerry,” he told radio.com.

Harry’s show has been dubbed Harryween and he says everyone will be getting dressed up.

“People can expect a fancy dress show or a costume party,” he explained.

“I think we’ll get as many people who are coming as possible to dress up. I’ll be dressed up. The band will be dressed up. I’ve got some ideas.”

Sounds awesome. Go Jerry! Go Jerry!

Social Media Smut