WELL, the people have spoken… and I can imagine Leo and Micheál would finish that well known quotation with feeling.
Who knew that RTÉ’s election coverage on Sunday would prove to be so exciting? I love a surprise ending and that day, no-one predicted Sinn Féin’s success story, not even the party itself – otherwise they’d have run a few more candidates.
And part of the fun of soaking up all the media coverage was discovering just how ignorant some British broadcasters were about politics in the Republic. There was mention of the Sinn Fein leader Mary Lou McLeod, Mikhail Martin the leader of Fianna Fáil and there was shock at Leo Varadkar, the actual taoiseach losing his seat. Er no, it’s a PR election, you numpties.
And just to prove we have our own home-grown numpties, step forward Dessie Ellis TD who celebrated his win with a rendition of 'Come out ye Black and Tans', with “Up the Ra” thrown in by David Cullinane for good measure.
I’ve been to many a post-election declaration where euphoria spills into flag waving and sectarian songs. It is never a good look. But the subsequent sight of Cullinane apologising, with Mary Lou standing over him like his ma about to give him a clip round the ear, was priceless.
Personally, the only one I want to hear singing the Tans song is Alan Partridge’s Irish lookalike. It’s comedy gold.
So what to make of an election that’s variously been described as a protest vote, the rise of populism, Brit bashing and tacit support for the shadowy IRA types pulling the strings in the background?
It’s not rocket science. People were fed up with a government that didn’t seem to be listening to their concerns which was shored up by the opposition FF. Young people were angry at a lack of affordable homes, soaring private rents, while the scourge of homelessness even led to one unfortunate man being accidentally scooped up in his tent by a council digger like a pile of rubbish.
And it wasn’t just the young. Older people deserted the two big parties over anger at the state of the health service and the sense of their being left behind by politicians who had bigger fish to fry.
It remains to be seen if Sinn Féin can get into any form of coalition to effect the changes they’ve been promising. Mary Lou has been talking up a border poll, which certainly didn’t figure among the top priorities of voters. When you look at the pressing problems facing the Republic and the fragile government up north, it’s hard to see Irish unity on the horizon any time soon.
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THE ancient Romans went for bread and circuses to keep the masses distracted from the misery of their daily lives. Boris Johnson seems to prefer bridges. Despite the fact that the garden bridge over the Thames he’d championed when he was London mayor never actually materialised. But it still cost ratepayers £53 million.
His latest vanity project, a bridge between Northern Ireland and Scotland, has been revived again, probably to distract unionists from his Brexit betrayal. Costs are estimated to top £20 billion and most sane engineers say it’s the most inhospitable stretch of water imaginable.
One, James Duncan, explained that the water was too deep, the weather too stormy and any bridge would need dozens of support towers taller than those built for any existing bridges.
And to make matters worse, there are over a million tons of obsolete bombs on the seabed, waiting to blow up the minute anyone shows up with a pile driver. Mr Duncan concluded the venture was as feasible as a bridge to the Moon. That’ll be next on the Boris fantasy list.
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THE trouble with Twitter is that you can glance at one thread and suddenly two hours have passed.
This week I got sidetracked into answering a vital question: who would you assassinate if you could go back in time. I reckoned Hitler was a reasonable choice, if a tad obvious. But no. Instead there were suggestions that Stanley Johnson should be rubbed out before he conceived you know who.
There were also nominations for Nigel Farage, Simon Cowell and Pam Ayres. History nerds opted for Gavril Princip, the man who shot Archduke Franz Ferdinand, thereby starting the First World War, which in turn led to the Second World War.
But perhaps the most deserving? No contest. The man who invented woodchip paper. If you’ve ever tried to remove it you’ll agree he had it coming.
