Sleb Safari: Madonna wants to be Meghan and Harry's landlady
QUEEN Madge has ridden to the rescue of Meghan Sussex and her husband Harry who are between homes.
Madonna has made them an offer they shouldn’t refuse by suggesting they rent her apartment in New York.
"Don't run off to Canada. It's so boring there," Madonna offered as her opening gambit in a video posted to Instagram.
"I'll let them sublet my apartment on Central Park West. It's two bedrooms. It's got the best view of Manhattan; incredible balcony. I think that’s gonna be it – a winner. That’s going to be the deal-breaker.
“Nope, Buckingham Palace has got nothing on CPW.”
The most shocking thing about this – or, more accurately, the only shocking thing about this – is that Madonna’s apartment only has two bedrooms. She’s a squillionaire. She should own an entire block.
She is right about the location, though. The street runs alongside Central Park, on the upper west side of Manhattan, and there’s a Bed, Bath and Beyond one block from the apartment.
Imagine having Madonna as your landlady.
She’s taken to wearing an eye patch in her new incarnation as Madame X so if her tenants find the master bedroom too bright to sleep she can sort them out with a DIY eye mask each plus, if she raids her wardrobe of outfits from the 80s, there’ll be plenty of net and lace on hand to run up a pair of bedroom curtains.
Madonna has been a style icon all her life and if Meghan and Harry wanted to throw a fancy dress party they’d have their pick of instantly recognisable looks.
They could greet guests at the front door dressed as, in no particular order, a cowgirl, Material Girl, gladiator, Marie Antoinette or Eva Peron, or try the long ponytail with conical bra look, and any combination of fishnets, lace gloves and cross necklaces.
Harry and Meghan would be daft to turn down this opportunity.
But then, Harry is missing his friends so that could cloud his judgment. How does Sleb Safari know? Why, a ‘source’ told the Sun he misses his friends back home and has been bombarding their WhatsApp group.
The ‘source’ told The Sun Online: “Harry misses his friends of course – anyone would.
“But he has been in WhatsApp Group with his mates for years and he uses that more than ever now to keep in touch and send pictures.”
The ‘insider’ continued: “The group are always sharing funny video clips they find as well. Harry doesn’t think being on the other side of the world means that he will lose touch with the people he has been mates with all his life.”
You have to love a ‘source’ like this. The information is about reliable as a 30-year-old boiler.
Sleb Safari would love to see Harry and Meghan start hanging out with Madonna. The pearl clutchers would be apoplectic and Harry’s WhatsApp group would be infinitely more interesting. A result all round.
Pamela Anderson and her husband take time apart
TWO weeks ago Sleb Safari doffed its cap to Pamela Anderson for her unquenchable optimism, following her fifth marriage to husband number four.
Fast forward to now and Pamela and Jon have decided to “take some time apart to re-evaluate what we want from life and from one another”.
This is what she told the Hollywood Reporter: “I have been moved by the warm reception to Jon and my union. We would be very grateful for your support as we take some time apart to re-evaluate what we want from life and from one another. ‘Life is a journey and love is a process’.
“With that universal truth in mind, we have mutually decided to put off the formalisation of our marriage certificate and put our faith in the process. Thank you for respecting our privacy.”
Sleb Safari’s not sure what to do with its cap now.
Hamilton is coming to a cinema near you
CELEBRATIONS all round with news that the stage musical Hamilton is being made into a film.
It was filmed with the original Broadway cast and will be in cinemas next year, which is an awfully long time to wait but patience is a virtue apparently.
Hamilton is the work of the uber talented Lin-Manuel Miranda and tells the story of Alexander Hamilton, one of America’s founding fathers. What makes it different is that the show’s set to hip-hop rather than traditional show tunes.
What Hamilton has succeeded in doing is introducing people who thought musical theatre didn’t belong to them, or wasn’t written for them, to that world.