Life

Mary Kelly: New Year advice to my younger self? Don't get a King Billy hairdo

Possibly one of the most disturbing results of the Tory victory is seeing Boris Johnson having free rein to dish out rewards in the tawdry honours list. Could there be anything more stomach churning than the knighthood for Iain Duncan Smith?

Mary Kelly – cancelling elections for 10 years is an interesting idea. Picture by Hugh Russell
Mary Kelly – cancelling elections for 10 years is an interesting idea. Picture by Hugh Russell Mary Kelly – cancelling elections for 10 years is an interesting idea. Picture by Hugh Russell

SOME years ago on Hearts and Minds, during one of the many on-off periods of Stormont stalemate, the programme interviewed Edward de Bono. He was the Maltese psychologist and author who coined the phrase 'lateral thinking' – a way to unlock creativity by finding new ways to address problems.

What, Noel Thompson asked, was his solution to the current political impasse?

“Cancel elections for at least a decade,” was his rather surprising solution. Pressed further, he said that politicians were too often constrained from taking radical decisions for fear of being unpopular and therefore not getting re-elected.

His solution was to suspend elections for a decade to allow those who had an existing mandate to work on solutions for the betterment of the nation as a whole. They had 10 years to do it and they wouldn’t be allowed to run again at the end of that period so it was up to them to pursue their legacy in the time allotted.

I thought it was an interesting idea and a little less off the wall than an earlier suggestion he made to further peace in the Middle East. He advised a UK Foreign Office committee that the conflict might be due in part to low levels of zinc found in people who eat unleavened bread. He said low levels of zinc led to heightened aggression and suggested jars of Marmite should be shipped out to compensate.

The good doctor was a bit like Marmite himself as far as the programme’s editor was concerned and the interview was never broadcast.

As talks are under way yet again to restore devolution I wonder if the electorally bruised Shinners and Duppers won’t secretly be hoping there’ll be no elections any time soon in case voters have another go at expressing their disappointment at the big two.

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POSSIBLY one of the most disturbing results of the Tory victory in last month’s general election is seeing Boris Johnson having free rein to dish out rewards in the tawdry honours list. Could there be anything more stomach churning than the knighthood for Iain Duncan Smith?

This is the architect of welfare reform whose loathsome universal credit has caused so much pain and suffering, especially to the sick and disabled. Countless examples have been recounted – the wife whose husband killed himself after losing his benefits, the mother with a brain-damaged son who kept getting threatening letters from the job centre insisting he came in for an interview about his suit ability for work.

It’s hardly surprising that the list, handed out by the royals who’re at the apex of the class-ridden society, should also be itself a display of inequality. Thus you find the lower baubles such as MBE go to the dinner ladies, lollipop men or others who’ve given a lifetime of public service while the higher OBEs go to celebs, sportsmen and women and the big gongs are given to people like Elton John and Rod Stewart, who at least have given the public some pleasure as they amassed their fortunes.

But the knighthoods and peerages received by IDS and his ilk reek of jobs for the boys.

Over the festive break the the subject of honours came up at the dinner table. Eldest boy said that although he wasn’t in favour of the system, he would accept a gong as it might potentially be career-enhancing. Second son was duly appalled at the “sell out”.

I recalled a relative who was in a quandary some years ago when she received an OBE for the organisation she then headed. Her first instinct as a Guardian-reading leftie was to politely decline. But her colleagues insisted it would look good on their letterheads and would further the charitable works of the organisation. So off she went to the palace...

Her one concession to personal integrity? She refused to wear a hat.

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AT THIS time of year the newspapers are full of stuff about resolutions, the arrival of a new decade and, more amusingly, what advice you would give to your younger self.

That has always seemed a pointless exercise to me as no right-thinking young person would ever listen to counsel from the middle-aged. But after some reflection, here is a piece of advice to my 20-something self: “Don’t do it. Don’t get your hair permed. You will not look like Cher. You will not resemble supermodel Marie Helvin. You will look like King Billy.”