Sleb Safari: Elton John's deliciously indiscreet autobiography
ELTON John is many things – songwriter, pianist, performer, recovering addict, Aids campaigner, philanthropist, husband and father. He is also deliciously indiscreet which means his autobiography, Me, is chock-a-block full of the kind of juicy gossip celebrity smut hounds like you and Sleb Safari love.
Some of his stories are a little too adult for polite company.
The wedding gift from Eminem? Unprintable. His concern for the snooker table baize? Unprintable. But the rest are pitch perfect.
There’s the story about the dinner party he hosted where Richard Gere and Sylvester Stallone nearly came to blows because they had both taken a shine to Princess Diana and everyone knows that a fist fight is precisely the way to a woman’s heart and she was going to fall madly in love with whoever won/retained the most teeth.
Diana and Richard had spent the evening sitting by the fireplace, "locked in rapt conversation", which irked Sly.
Elton says his husband later found the two stallions squaring up. David defused the situation (hopefully with peals of laughter) and Sly stormed off, saying “I never would have come if I’d known Prince f***in’ Charming was gonna be here.”
At a separate dinner party Elton threw oranges at Bob Dylan for his poor performance in a game of charades. Simon and Garfunkle weren’t much good either, according to the book.
Elton also details his decades-long friendship with Rod Stewart and their shared love of pranks, which reached its peak in the 80s when Elton hired someone to shoot down a blimp promoting one of Rod’s concerts.
Elton writes about the stress he heaped on his husband, David, days before their 2005 civil partnership when he accidentally shredded the table plan.
It would have been no biggie if they had kept the guest list to their very nearest and dearest but they’d invited more than 500 people. Including a table full of Beatles and their plus ones. David saved the day and the couple are living happily ever after.
They have two young sons and Elton feels his addiction years have equipped him for parenthood. He is, after all, the man who once rang someone on his payroll to demand:
“It’s far too windy here, can you do something about it?”
He says he found his sons’ toddler tantrums “weirdly charming”.
“You think you’re being difficult, my little sausage? Have I ever told you about the time I drank eight vodka martinis, took all my clothes off in front of a film crew and then broke my manager’s nose?”
Please urgently submit your letter to Santa asking for Elton’s autobiography before the big man is swamped by a deluge of identical requests.
A Bump Along The Way Is Charming
SLEB Safari can heartily recommend the film A Bump Along The Way to you.
It's set in Derry, stars Bronagh Gallagher and was produced by her sister Louise.
It's heart warming and sweet and you should do yourself a favour and make a date for the cinema.
The Biebers' House Is On the Market
NOT content with having a second wedding, the Biebers have decided to move house and are advertising the sale on Instagram.
It was a fairly relaxed listing, truth be told.
Justin posted pictures of the downstairs with captions ranging from “I think I wanna sell my home in Beverly Hills who wants it” to “I’ll sell it with all the furniture. MAKE AN OFFER” and “Whoever wants to buy my home reach out”.
Suppose that’s one way to save on estate agent’s fees.
High Five Jason Momoa
This week’s hat tip goes to Jason Momoa who’s been chatting to Esquire about his wife and his acting career.
There are 11 years between Jason and Lisa Bonet and he says she was his teenage crush and a big part of the reason he’s a never-say-never type of person.
“If someone says something isn't possible, I'm like, ‘Listen here, I married Lisa Bonet’.”
High five that man.