Sleb Safari: Gemma Collins swaps ice skates for a Nissan Micra
WITH the 2020 Dancing On Ice contestants confirmed it feels like a good time to check in on Gemma Collins.
The GC signed up for DOI 2019 but instead of learning how to be an ice skater morphed into a formidable practitioner of slapstick.
A glutton for punishment, Gemma has agreed to take part in this year’s Christmas special. Jason Gardiner has yet to respond.
During her short lived stint on the show Gemma was convinced that the Dancing On Ice rink had negative energy which was holding her back from reaching her full potential and hired a “professional space clearing consultant” to deal with it.
When someone possesses such a lack of self-awareness you really need to sit back in admiration and wonder how differently your life would have turned out had you been born with that ‘it’s not me, it’s most definitely you’ gene.
Gemma has moved on, though, one way and every way. She no longer uses ice skates as a mode of transport. Indeed, she tried out public transport for her new show Gemma Collins: Diva Forever and it went swimmingly, once she got past the initial panic that she needed her passport to get on the train.
In fact, Gemma has taken to driving a Nissan Micra. Sleb Safari was tickled no end when it discovered this since it too drives a Nissan Micra and Gemma clearly considers it the lowliest of lowly cars.
“You know why I drive it? No-one thinks it’s me in the car,” she told the Evening Standard.
"If I’m in my nice car, I’ve just ordered a new Porsche actually, people look at it instantly. I get around in that Micra so easily. I’ll have to change it because the paps know the car now.”
Thank goodness she let us know that Amazon will be delivering a Porsche any day now.
"But apparently Sam Smith does it as well, so it’s the way us celebs get around now. I absolutely love the car, it’s so good.
"I think where I’m at now, all that material stuff don’t mean nothing to me any more. Now I just wanna save animals, go to the gym, plant plants. I don’t know what’s happened to me."
She’s David Attenborough part deux, isn’t she? Just as Jason Gardiner has remained silent, so too has David Attenborough on Gemma’s appeal for them to collaborate and save the world.
Gemma was inspired to become a conservationist while holidaying earlier this year.
She and on-again-off-again boyfriend Arg had been whale or dolphin watching and she hopped on the ‘gram to post: “The most MAGICAL MAGNIFICENT moment we must look after our beautiful animals and treasure them LET them BE FREE.
“@David_attenborough please let me come on your next ADVENTURE. FREE all animals let them be in their NATURAL HABITAT and be happy SAY NO to animals in captivity.”
Jason and David were last seen moving into a yurt somewhere inaccessible to anything other than an icebreaker ship, praying that Gemma, plus camera crew, never, ever find them.
Strictly Come Dancing's Catherine Tyldesley tells it as it is
Catherine Tyldesley – former Corrie staffer and Strictly Come Dancing 2019 contestant – has spilled the beans to new! Magazine about being apart from her husband and little boy.
Catherine says she FaceTimes Alfie, who’s four, “all the time” and "after the second or third night [away] I do miss him so much”.
Then she added the kicker: “The first night away is quite nice, to be honest. You know how it is when you're a mum and you're running around all the time...
"Tom phoned me one night and said, 'Are you all right?' and I was like, 'It's a struggle, but I'm getting there, babe.' I'd booked a massage and I was having a lovely time."
Just right, Catherine, just right
Is it a bird, is it a plane, is it a bath?
And so to the home of Rosie Huntington-Whiteley and the pictures she shares from it on Instagram.
One in particular had Sleb Safari scratching its head. Captioned “Come through and chill”, the picture shows a large concrete object being filled by one solitary tap.
Is that… is that a bath? Or a drinking trough for livestock? If it is a bath then how does one regulate the water temperature? Sleb Safari is most confused.