Life

Sleb Safari: Jennifer Lawrence's Amazon wedding gift list is a thing of beauty

Jennifer Lawrence arriving at the Oscars 2018 with the look of a woman hoping against hope that she'll be asked to compile a wedding gift registry

JENNIFER Lawrence – “actress and philanthropist is getting married” (credit: Amazon) – has put a wedding gift list on Amazon.

Public service announcement: This is not Jennifer’s wedding gift list. She does not want guests to buy her and fiancé Cooke Maroney any of these items as a wedding present. Jennifer could have them all made in gold and rolled in diamonds, should she wish.

This collaboration with Amazon serves as inspiration for you, the person who might not want to spend $100 (£81) on a wooden salad bowl but would love it if a wedding guest did.

Credit where credit is due to J Law, there are plenty of things on this list that Sleb Safari would happily receive in brown paper packages tied up with string.

Starting with the $190 Ninja multi-cooker. Don’t know what it does, don’t care; it’s called Ninja and that’s good enough for Sleb Safari.

On top of that there’s a very attractive, nay, very funky, $99 black kettle which your granny would tut at. It’s listed under Health and Wellness, alongside a yoga mat, weighted blanket and Turkish bath towel. If Jennifer was Irish the kettle would be listed under Essential Equipment for Everyday Survival.

We learn a little about Jennifer from her gift list which Sleb Safari is compelled to describe as curated for it is 2019 after all and ‘eclectic’ has been retired.

“I love to host people at home” and “I love trying new recipes,” Jennifer writes. She’s also a frequent flyer.

“I travel a lot for work and these are a few of the best items I’ve found over the years to help me arrive feeling refreshed and ready to explore. Don’t leave for your honeymoon without them,” is her introduction to the Travel list.

The “best items” include a Kindle and Apple ear pods. Very pedestrian Jennifer, very pedestrian indeed.

What’s that you say? A 100 per cent pure cashmere travel set? Now we’re talking. For a mere $360 you’ll get a blanket, eye mask, socks and carry case made from the finest goat’s wool.

“I love to host people at home,” Jennifer tells us and the Hosting and Happy Hours, Outdoor Entertaining, and In the Kitchen lists are illuminating.

There’s a pizza stone but no pizza oven so be sure to eat dinner before you head over to Jennifer’s as well as a pasta maker which, should you receive it as a present, you will unwrap with squeals of delight, use once, then leave it in a cupboard to gather dust, possibly alongside the Ninja multi-cooker that fries when you wanted it to bake because you never bothered to read the instruction manual.

Jennifer prefaces her final list, Smart Home, it by writing that “with my schedule sometimes there is nothing better than a quiet night at home” and explaining that she likes a “cozy and organised” house.

And then she promptly blew Sleb Safari’s mind with a robot mop which “cleans in an efficient pattern”, boasts a precision jet spray and can be controlled from your smartphone so you need never leave the sofa.

That is by far the best gift you could give anyone, especially yourself. Sleb Safari hopes J Law and Cooke get the robot mop of their dreams on their wedding day.

 

Meghan Marke's weighty woman of colour comment

AND so to South Africa where Meghan and Harry are finishing up their 10-day visit with baby Archie in tow.

Meghan kicked things off on day one with a powerful statement referencing her heritage.

"And just on one personal note, may I just say that while I'm here with my husband as a member of the royal family... I am here with you as a mother, as a wife, as a woman, as a woman of colour and as your sister."

The significance of that simple sentence, of pairing “member of the royal family” with “a woman of colour”, cannot be underestimated.

 

Eurovision NI Awards Competition Winners

The winners of a pair of tickets to the 2019 Eurovision NI Awards at the Crumlin Road Gaol are:

Samantha Robinson from Kilkeel

Martin McKeever from Belfast

Susan McKillen from Belfast

Have fun!

 

Social Media Smut

 

Lenny Kravitz wants his sunnies back

Lenny Kravitz has posted an urgent appeal on social media about his missing sunglasses.

Someone give this man back his sunnies before his inbox explodes.

Enjoy reading the Irish News?

Subscribe from just £1 for the first month to get full access

Life

Today's horoscope

Horoscope


See a different horoscope: