Sleb Safari: Miley Cyrus and her thoroughly modern marriage
MILEY Cryus – wrecking ball, one-time Hannah Montana and godchild of Dolly Parton – has been chatting to Elle magazine about her super modern, super you-wouldn’t-understand-it marriage.
Miley identifies as pansexual and married long-term love Liam Hemsworth last December, one month after their home went up in flames in devastating Californian wildfires.
"I think it’s very confusing to people that I’m married. But my relationship is unique,”she told Elle.
"And I don’t know that I would ever publicly allow people in there because it’s so complex, and modern and new that I don’t think we’re in a place where people would get it... "
Sleb Safari is intrigued by the notion of an ultra-modern marriage which is beyond the understanding of mere mortals. It better be more than Miley taking out the bins while Liam empties the dishwasher. Genuinely, how modern can a marriage be? Is one of them zooming around the house on a hovercraft while the other chats to the robot they employ to clean? Is their main residence on Mars? Do they commute alongside Elon Musk?
Seriously Miley, show us the future. We are your servants and you our master.
Miley’s road to where she is now, 26 and still famous, started with the Disney show Hannah Montana. Sleb Safari will defend Miley and anyone else’s right to wear what they want, how they want, where they want and with that in mind it’s fair to say that once Miley threw off her Disney shackles she did things her own way.
Miley’s transition from Disney to adult was as sudden as it was scrutinised. She told Elle about seeking therapy to make sense of her life.
“I tried to go to therapy a few times. And they treated me like I was everyone else who sits on the couch. They’d be like, ‘Well, you probably feel paranoid because you’re smoking weed.’
“And it’s like, ‘No, I feel paranoid because people are putting little drones in my backyard.’
“One time I was naked on top of a fake horse when a drone showed up. And I’m like, honestly, I couldn’t have asked for a better time. At least I wasn’t sitting there drinking coffee, being boring. But now I think it’s kind of uninteresting for people to see me rebel.”
Totally relatable Miley, let s/he who hasn’t sat naked astride a fake horse in their backyard jump the first fence.
Wait, is this what makes a marriage modern? Sitting around starkers on a fake horse waiting for a drone to show up? It's no wonder people don't get it Miley.
What Does Happiness Smell Like?
Designer Michael Kors has determined that friendship smells like pizza.
"I love the smell of pizza, sure, but you always have a group of people grabbing a slice of pizza together. It’s this communal, joyous meal," he told The Cut.
"If I’m good, it’s just gonna be mushroom pepper, but if I’m really feeling a friendship moment, it’s going to be pepperoni, let’s be honest.”
Interesting choice Michael. May Sleb Safari be so bold as to suggest that the smell of pepperoni pizza is the smell of full-blown happiness, not just friendship? Friendship smells nice but happiness, that’s pepperoni pizza on Friday night and frying bacon on Saturday morning. Anyone else feeling hungry now?
Royal Wedding Tunes
Idris Elba DJ-ed for Meghan and Harry at their wedding reception and has been shockingly – and disappointingly – discreet about the whole thing.
He has finally given up one detail from the evening and that is that it was Meghan who provided him with a list of songs the couple wanted played and among them was the Whitney Houston classic I Wanna Dance With Somebody.
It tickles Sleb Safari that Idris Elba, king of cool, was playing Whitney Houston songs at a wedding reception. Probably the first and last time. Still, it’s hard to beat a bit of 80s cheese.