Sleb Safari: Dolly Parton is diversifying
GREAT news Dolly Parton-philes, the queen of country is launching a lifestyle brand and before long you’ll be able to Dollyify your home, your wardrobe and your life.
Dolly has signed a deal with IMG to produce fashion, jewellery, home goods and accessories.
Dolly tweeted the news: “I am excited to be working with IMG on a global scale to give my fans products that they will cherish for years to come. You might even see my mug on a mug!”
Surely that has to be a ‘Working 9 to 5, what a way to make a living’ mug.
In a statement, Gary Krakower from IMG said “Dolly Parton is an international icon and we are thrilled to be working with her. Together, we look forward to building cohesive lifestyle brand products that will celebrate Dolly and bring her iconic style and personality to her millions of fans worldwide in engaging new ways.”
Sleb Safari knows no bookmaker is going to offer odds on there being rhinestones, lots and lots of rhinestone.
The fashion collection is going to be paint by numbers – there’ll be tight shirts with the collar popped or a waist tie, plus stonewashed jeans.
Super duper strength hairspray has to be in the works too, plus multiple hair accessories. We’re talking banana clips, scrunchies and the best back-combing comb ever made. There also needs to be a range of nail polishes in red and pearl and a strong lip colour too.
Where Dolly could – and should – really go to town is on the “home goods and accessories”.
Sleb Safari is hoping for a stress ball which spouts Dollyisms voiced by the woman herself such as “Honey, don’t sweat the small stuff”, a doorbell that plays Here You Come Again, a slow cooker with Dolly’s face at the bottom of the pot, compression socks for long flights and a Dolly vape.
Dolly is a legend in her own lifetime. Sleb Safari once finished off a great night out by dueting Islands In the Stream with the driver of a karaoke taxi. Sleb Safari’s only regret about that night is that it lived too close to the nightclub so there wasn’t time for another song. Why aren’t there more karaoke taxis in Belfast?
Graham Norton recorded a special with Dolly Parton many moons ago and visited the Dollywood theme park where he and Dolly poured themselves into wetsuits, hopped on two rubber rings and went gliding down a water ride singing Islands In The Stream together.
That song unites people and that’s what we need more of it plus more opportunities to sing it loudly and badly with our arm around the shoulder of a loved one, a stranger or whoever. Wouldn’t the world be a better place if we all sang a little bit of Dolly daily?
All together now: “Baby, when I met you there was peace unknown. I set out to get you with a fine tooth comb…”
COMPETITION: HILLMOUNT BBQ ACADEMY TASTER SESSIONS
It’s national BBQ week and to celebrate Sleb Safari is giving away three pairs of tickets to a taster session at Hillmount BBQ Academy on Sunday June 16.
You’ll be taught how to cook the perfect chicken, pizza, roast or dessert on a barbecue at the family owned garden centre in the Castlereagh Hills.
Hillmount BBQ chefs will teach you the tricks of cooking at the right temperature using the correct technique and you'll get to sample lots of tasty treats.
For a chance to win answer the following question correctly:
What is the name of the family who own Hillmount?
To enter email: email@example.com. Closing date is noon on Wednesday May 29 and usual Irish News rules apply.
SAW, PLEASE BE OVER
News reaches Sleb Safari of the most unnecessary reboot of all film reboots. Its name is Saw and that is the first and last time Sleb Safari shall use that name for fear that something horrible will crawl out of the wardrobe and Sleb Safari will awaken to find itself chained to a pipe in a tiled room. Chris Rock wants to reboot the torture porn franchise and has gotten the green light with a film due next year. Avoid, avoid, avoid.
SOCIAL MEDIA SMUT