Lazy Claire Patisserie,
227 Castlereagh Road,
Belfast,
BT5 5FH
028 9045 0196
lazyclaire.co.uk
TELL me, as Westlife once almost mused, what makes a meal. Must there be meat? What about veg? Do you need implements that aren’t your hands? Is anything without spuds immediately disqualified?
And then there’s the question of courses, of course. Is a meal ever really a meal if you don’t get something sweet afterwards? What about a starter? What about a starter that isn’t vegetable soup?
All those questions are fine, but they’re still keeping things squarely between the ditches.
For a more adventurous answer to the question, think back to your youth. What made a meal back then? What would you have been happy with? What were you planning to eat three times a day, every day of your life once you were old enough?
For me it was probably cheese on toast. Some days it still is. A close second was a bowl of Crunchy Nut Cornflakes. Some days it’s two.
More fanciful notions back then would have you wondering if you could get away with your dinner being nothing but Twixes and bags of Barry McGuigan’s Nettle Flavoured Jabs. Or buns. Lots of buns.
That’s what you’ll see when you read the bill at the end of this review. It’s not really a bill for a meal out. Not for a grown-up anyway, but an attempt to try as much as possible of what Lazy Claire Patisserie on Belfast’s Castlereagh Road has to offer without arousing funny looks.
Some were consumed there on the premises, some were taken home, some were from a second visit, for the purposes of thoroughness and professionalism. You’re welcome.
One of the things that made Piccola Parma, which I reviewed last month, stand out so much was just how unexpected it was to find flawless execution of regional Italian classics on the Woodstock Road.
Well, what that place does for neighbourhood gems of Parma, just one road over, a little deeper into east Belfast, Lazy Claire is doing for the swishest patisseries of Paris.
After working at the famed Angelina teahouse on the Rue de Rivoli, a shrug away from the Place de la Concorde, Daniel Duckett returned to Belfast and gave the city something no-one else comes close to. A pitch perfect patisserie, serving unimpeachable versions of Gallic classics, and doing it between a Chinese takeaway and a hairdresser’s, right here on the Rue du Château Gris.
It’s a smart, modern space with a well-stocked bookshelf and French radio station FIP providing the soundtrack.
It’s a nice spot to spend some time with some of their very good coffee. How much you spend may depend of how much shame you have to keep eating their superb breads and buns and sweets and treats before calling it a day.
The croissants were smaller than you’ll find most places, but the better for it – tight fist-sized swirls of darkly bronzed dough, shattering into shrapnel but still flaky and buttery to the point of obscenity inside.
The pain au chocolat follows the same formula. A pistachio financier is a sponge that lasts just a couple of bites, but carries huge flavour.
Those plainer choices are on the counter. Round the corner is the money, a jeweller’s window of shimmering treats, almost appearing too beautiful to eat, but really too beautiful not to.
You can see your face in the surface of the chocolate tart, which is a reservoir of deep, not overly sweet cocoa flavour. The lemon tart is much subtler, with a great, custardy consistency and a fresh, natural taste. Both of in impeccable pastry.
The eclairs are dainty but – pattern emerging – perfect, as are the macarons, which are boxed to go home. The best is the vanilla which, like the lemon tart, doesn’t smack you in the mouth with its flavour but rather eases you along.
A Saint Honore – a puff pastry cylinder filled with sweet pastry cream, topped with caramel dipped balls of choux pastry and cream – is a showstopper but even it has to give way to the Paris-Brest. A wheel of crisp, light choux pastry, comes full of hazelnut praline cream and lots more nutty, crunchy bits and pieces.
You’ll easily find something cheaper to go with an afternoon coffee – the financier is small and £2.75, while the Paris-Brest and the like are £3.75 – but you’ll be doing well to find anything better.
These are little pieces of architecture, works of art, and if the skill and quality going into them isn’t worth paying for, nothing is.
And if you want to make a meal of it, you’ll get no arguments here.
THE BILL
Macarons x5 £6
Pistachio financier £2.25
Chocolate tart £3.50
Saint Honore £3.75
Paris-Brest £3.75
Lemon tart £3.25
Chocolate eclair £3
Pain au chocolate £2.50
Croissant £2
Americano £2.40
Double macchiato £2.20
Total £34.60
