YOU just know Bridie McLean is special when you arrive at her front door. There she is, arms out in greeting and a big hug of welcome. It was as if we’d known each other forever but it’s our first meeting, for a chat about being a foster carer and the special event happening later this week.
Excitement is building to the 2019 National Care Day on Friday February 15, with events throughout Northern Ireland when we are all encouraged to understand more about children and young people who are or have been cared for by foster carers or other family members and those who live in children’s homes.
The day ends with a spectacular show in the Waterfront Hall organised by Voice of Young People In Care (VOYPIC); 'The Greatest Show’ will be introduced and performed by young people, showing joy and positivity rather than any negativity about fostering and general ignorance surrounding care homes.
It came as a surprise to me that, on average, 16 young people enter the care system here every week, usually through no fault of their own. Sadly there aren’t enough private homes for foster children but with the good news slowly filtering through to the public, hopefully that will change.
When it comes to Bridie’s family, they’ll all be there on Friday to enjoy the show especially as 15-year-old Aaron will be singing, with his brother Gerard (17) cheering him on, and a proud foster mum who delights in these boys who have brought great pleasure since they arrived with her over 10 years ago.
Although it has not always been easy, she has a remarkable record, having sheltered 20 children in need of love and understanding, from a four-day-old baby to a 17-year-old, at the same time as bringing up her own four children. Sadly her first born, John Martin, died when he was only eight.
As we sit and talk in her comfy home off the Springfield Road, Jo Irvine from VOYPIC joins us to explain how her charity works with the children alongside fostering agencies who deal directly with foster carers, though in fact all cooperate together, and certainly in this case, it works perfectly.
VOYPIC is a charity that reviews the children’s situation, promoting their rights and improving their lives. It runs group activities, takes them to meet politicians – breakfast with the lord mayor, for example – all designed to improve self-esteem and build confidence.
They go away for weekends where the aim is to concentrate on personal development. The service wraps around the young people and literally makes sure their voices are heard.
Achieving their dreams
Chief executive of VOYPIC Vivian McConvey says: “Our alliance simply wants a world where these children and all young people can thrive and achieve their dreams so that they have a future that is fulfilled and of which they are proud.”
What are the assets needed to be a good carer? Apart from fulfilling required criteria, the parents must be able to recognise the strengths and weaknesses in children entrusted to them and, importantly, not to judge them. Respect on both sides is vital and discipline can be achieved with a look and a stern talking to – it’s all about building bridges that prepare them for life.
Although well used to fostering, Bridie explains that the call can come quite suddenly.
“I was feeling a bit down one Friday morning and I made a prayer to Saint Martha for strength and an hour later the phone rang. Could I take a little boy for the weekend? Absolutely, yes.
"I began to prepare when shortly after that the phone rang again: could I take his brother as well – just for the weekend? I jumped up and began to rearrange furniture, getting two beds into one bedroom so the boys would be beside each other and not be afraid until they settled down. Aand it was only for the weekend!” That was 12 years ago.
The boys are both attending Saint Gerard’s special school which caters for children aged three to 19. Aaron is now 15 and Gerard is 17 and although they live with Bridie they are still close to their own family, although their mum died recently.
They spend time with their father, playing football or enjoying days together. This closeness of the two families is something Bridie has worked hard to facilitate. She rises at 6.30am and the routine begins – washing, dressing, breakfast, school bags then the bus arrives at 8.15am and the boys go off to Saint Gerard’s.
How do you manage?
She says it’s a joy to get up in the morning with her two boys – “My angels,” she calls them.
"I’m always asked, how do you manage when you have to give them back? Certainly it can be heartbreaking and I’ve often been very sad but in most cases we don’t lose touch and there’s a bond there which can’t be broken.”
Bridie explains that she was the oldest of six so grew up looking after family.
“When my dad died I stepped into his shoes so I’m used to making decisions and looking after everyone. I’m always at the end of the phone to sort things out because life is not rosy for everybody and we are all here to help each other.”
This warm woman has an open-door policy and people come and go; there’s always chat and laughter – just the right atmosphere for children and adults alike.
A salary covers essentials but to Bridie fostering isn’t a job; there isn’t any difference between her foster children and her own family. Even her grandchildren are all part of one big happy unit, each drawing on the other, each supporting the other and the big word is love.
As Jo says, this woman has a big, massive heart, she’s a west Belfast mummy, baking and cooking and lifting and laying with time and room in her heart for everyone.
:: More information at www.voypic.org
