GOOD news for Beliebers with a generous allowance, Justin Bieber has become a fashion designer, or more accurately, Justin Bieber has become a designer of clothes. His “ethically made clothing line” is big on corduroy, shades of brown and the yellow smiley face logo.
It’s a very particular aesthetic, isn’t it? And by that Sleb Safari means it’s pretty bland but then Sleb Safari is not the target market. Someone who despises colour might appreciate the range that bit more.
According to its website the Drew House clothing line is "a place where you can be yourself”.
And if being yourself means spending $128 on a fawn coloured “corduroy pullover hoodie” then welcome home. Put your feet up! Mom will bring you a toasted cheese sandwich in just a tick.
It’s probably for the best if you pair that hoodie with the matching $138 corduroy knee-length shorts which have a fetching elasticated waist and ‘drew’ written across the crotch. Now that’s a look that would have Anna Wintour reaching for the Rennies.
Each item of clothing has a ‘fun’ description which plays fast and loose with the rules of punctuation and grammar (which isn’t a crime in the fashion or real world). The corduroy pullover hoodie, for example, is a “super comfy hoodie. you could rock this bad boy for days. We dont recommend it, but you really could”.
And nestled in among the garment specifics such as “97% cotton 3% elastane corduroy” is another fun fact – “all swans in england belong to the queen”. So there’s that.
If you like the look of the black cotton polo neck ($68) please be advised that “sea otters hold hands when they sleep so they don’t drift away from each other”.
Picking up the $148 corduroy trousers? Know that “polar bears can eat as many as 86 penguins in a single sitting”. Sleb Safari has been busy fact checking these claims and this one is most definitely an alternative fact. Penguins and polar bears live poles apart, the former in the Arctic and the latter in Antarctica so unless easyJet has opened a new route of late this Bieber blurb is just for lols.
Purchasers of the black hoodie are informed “there’s an island in Japan you can visit that’s inhabited only by friendly bunnies” (sound the Bieber lols klaxon) while nestled in among the description of a long-sleeved T-shirt is the fun fact “You can’t hum while holding your nose closed”. Sleb Safari also fact checked that and it is indeed true.
You know, the more you look at the clothes, and the longer you spend pottering around Drew House, the better the clothes look. It must be a version of Stockholm syndrome.
Taking international delivery times into consideration you can expect to see Sleb Safari clad head to toe in beige corduroy by the end of the month, wayhay!
Colin Jost and Scarlett Johansson's Eventful Night Out
By far Sleb Safari’s favourite celebrity ‘story’ of recent times comes courtesy of Page Six in the New York Post and concerns Scarlett Johansson and Colin Jost’s Saturday night out.
Allow Sleb Safari to set the scene: The couple were due to have dinner in Polo Bar in New York with friends and the party was already seated, minus Colin.
Over to Page Six and its ‘spy’.
“Colin walked in, accidentally stepped on a woman’s foot and immediately apologised,” the spy told Page Six.
“When he continued on to his table, the woman turned to her friend and said, ‘Colin Jost just stepped on my foot.'”
Hold the front page! What happened next?
Colin was escorted downstairs (escorted? For fear the monster would stand on anyone else?) to the table where Scarlett was seated with two other people. How did Scarlett react? We’ll never know; all we have to go on is how she looked because that is always, ALWAYS, the most important element.
“Scarlett was wearing a pink sweater with her hair up, glasses on and no makeup,” the spy added, adding “she still looked better than every woman in the restaurant.”
More updates as, and when, they happen.
COMPETITION WINNERS
The five lucky winners of pairs of tickets to the Wedding Journal Show are:
Caitlín McClory, Banbridge
Lucy Hurrell , Randalstown
Pauline Hewitt, Armagh
Sean Wilson, Cookstown
Rachel O’Hare, Warrenpoint
Congratulations one and all!
SOCIAL MEDIA SMUT
