KIRSTIE Allsopp has been getting a hard time of late. Truth be told Kirstie Allsopp often gets a hard time. In the past 18 months she’s raised hackles by declaring it “disgusting” to have a washing machine in the kitchen (your choice Kirstie) and then taking a hammer to her children’s iPads (you paid for them Kirst, do what you want).
This time round people have been taking a pop at Kirstie because she gets her “long-term live-in nanny, Heather”, to wrap Christmas presents.
The reason we know this is because “long-term live-in nanny, Heather” was knee deep in wrapping paper when The Times called round for a chat.
“I haven’t had a chance to do any wrapping for so long,” Kirstie told the journalist from The Times.
“It’s such a shame because I really, really love it, sitting down in front of a Christmas movie and doing the wrapping is the best. You can’t say this without sounding like a total d**khead, but it’s like ironing. I love ironing! I used to do all these things, but there’s just no time once you’ve had children. I will get back to them.”
Kirstie did clarify what exactly “long-term live-in nanny, Heather”’s wrapping duties entailed.
“I’d never ask Heather to wrap adult presents, only children’s and godchildren’s... I still feel I should be doing it myself, but if failure to delegate means you’re going to disappoint someone, then you need to delegate.”
WTF? was the rallying cry from many. Sleb Safari would also ask WTF? What’s the fuss? She’s living the dream people, living the dream.
Kirstie, her partner and their two sons, have two homes, both of which require Christmas festooning and Kirstie has been known to pay someone to carry out decoration duties. It is somewhat ironic since she fronts a TV programme showing people how to hand make Christmas decorations but Sleb Safari’s rallying cry remains ‘Proper order Kirstie’.
If Sleb Safari was in Kirstie’s income bracket it would throw money at someone who could turn its home into a winter wonderland. Sleb Safari is painfully aware of its arts and crafts limitations. It once left a card-making class half way through just to get a breather and a bar of chocolate from the vending machine to cheer itself up. That was the day Sleb Safari learned that its 'skills' would never extend beyond putting stickers on pre-cut cards. It’s healthy to know one’s limitations.
And so Sleb Safari will defend Kirstie to the hilt; if she wants to pay someone to wrap a present or wrap a garland around her staircase that’s her prerogative.
All that remains for Sleb Safari to do is to wish you all a happy and peaceful Christmas! Sleb Safari’s off to put the finishing touches (read: stickers) to some Christmas cards.
Gift wrapping for the rich and famous
SPEAKING of wrapping, Sleb Safari read an enlightening interview with a woman who gift wraps for a living. To be clear, she’s not standing at a table in your local Co-op, you’ll find her training the staff in Harrods and wrapping the Beckham family presents.
Step forward Jane Means, florist-turned-wrapper for the rich and famous. She’s turned down Prince Charles twice, because, “If I’m booked, I’m booked” and spent two days last year teaching the tricks of the trade to a wealthy client in Delhi.
How and ever, one of her most memorable jobs was on behalf of an oil tycoon who wanted 370 hampers, each filled with 40 presents, wrapped in time for Christmas. The gifts included “the best of everything, including a Chanel book worth thousands because it included fabric samples” so the job came with security personnel.
“We worked all hours and ate takeaways in our slippers each evening to get the job done,” Jane explained.
Wearing slippers at work and feasting on takeaway? Sounds brilliant if you ask Sleb Safari. Jane, do you need someone to hold the double sided sticky tape dispenser?
Alan Carr is on board for Strictly Come Dancing 2019
Good news from chatty man Alan Carr who says he’s been offered Strictly and intends saying yes.
Alan, Sleb Safari’s second favourite wearer of glasses, is also going on tour next year so he’s setting himself quite the challenge.
He’s up for getting down but says he does not want filming to get in the way of his dance lessons.
“I would do it but I hate those VTs, you know what I mean. ‘We’re doing a salsa so we’re off to a dips factory.’
“It’s like: ‘What?’ You know, they go to Chester Zoo or a museum, and I’m like, ‘no, I’d need to be in that studio now doing the Argentine tango’.
“Step away from the rhino, let’s get back in there, I want to stick a rose in my mouth and do the thing.”
Here’s hoping Alan lifts that glitterball trophy next year.
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