Sleb Safari: I'm A Celebrity... Keep Noel Edmonds In There

All hail Emperor Noel Edmonds

AND so to the Australian ‘jungle’ where the I’m A Celebrity… Get Me Out Of Here camp has been rocked by the arrival of Emperor Noel Edmonds.

So committed to this new endeavor was Emperor Edmonds that he prepared for camp life by eating earthworms.

“There are now no worms in our garden” he told The Sun, adding that they tasted “exactly as you’d expect”.

Sleb Safari has never had cause to muse on the taste of worm but is cheerily confident that it’ll be like chicken.

Noel entered the jungle as an emperor, golden wreath on his head, body draped in a toga and wearing obligatory red socks and hiking boots because, you know, health and safety.

He had already alerted the viewing public to the fact that should he win the series he will retire. Presumably to Crinkly Bottom.

Noel told The Sun: “If they do vote me king I will never appear on television again. Fifty years on TV is long enough – give us a break for Christ's sake. We've got enough problems with Brexit... Nexit? Now I'd be very happy to do that deal but on the terms I win the bloody thing.”

Did you hear that? If he wins he’ll retire. All we have to do is pull together and make him king of the jungle. Vote early, vote often.

Emperor Edmonds

In a pre-jungle chat with the Mirror he described himself as Marmite.

“I may be Marmite but there’s a hell of a lot of people that seem to like Noel’s version of Marmite,” he said.

Now, Sleb Safari knows Noel is a man with his finger in very many pies but it did not realise he had gone into the Marmite production business. Noel-flavoured Marmite. Hhhhm. What does that taste like? Exactly as you’d expect...

Noel is rumoured to be taking home £600,000 for his visit to the jungle which is a serious pay packet for a couple of weeks sleeping in a damp hammock, trudging through a rainforest and not eating very much. People pay good money to go on holidays exactly like that.

If the I’m A Celebrity bosses don’t rustle up at least one Deal Or No Deal bushtucker trial they’ll have missed a trick. It could be a Meal Or No Meal trial; with bugs and testicles and eyes and the like in red boxes.

Mr Edmonds is a brilliant addition to the camp but you know what would make this the best series yet – if Mr Blobby was flown in as a final, surprise contestant. Granted, he’d knock over the camping stove at least once a day and wouldn’t be much use at any task requiring dexterity, speed or indeed sangfroid but he’d make good telly.

And he could re-release his Christmas number one to capitalise on his return to the limelight. All together now “Blobby, Oh Mr Blobby…”

Mr Blobby


Hugh Jackman's worst behavior (as told by Anne Hathaway)

Hugh Jackman as Jean Valjean and Anne Hathaway as Fantine in Les Miserables

Sleb Safari’s new favourite story about the notoriously nice Hugh Jackman comes courtesy of Anne Hathaway.

Anne starred alongside Hugh in Les Miserables and said she once saw him “lose his sh-t” towards the end of a long day on set.

"We had been at it for hours and were long past the point of exhaustion, in that particular place only Tom Hooper or childbirth can get you," Anne said.

Noticing Hugh looked strained, Anne asked if he was OK.

"Hugh drew in a ragged, powerful breath, locked his gaze on mine and said through gritted teeth, 'Annie, it's a lot.'"

"That's it, that's the worst behavior I have seen from Hugh Jackman."

If only there were more Hugh Jackmans in this world.


Mariah Carey's All I Want For Christmas rule

NOW that America has celebrated Thanksgiving you can expect Mariah Carey to pop up pretty much everywhere, singing All I Want For Christmas.

Mariah, our elusive chanteuse, has a rule you see and she takes it very seriously indeed.

“I have this rule – I don’t like when people rush it, because once I start, I don’t stop until after new year,” she explained on The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon.

So there you have it, six weeks of All I Want For Christmas to look forward to.


Competition winners

The winners of tickets to Faces of Change: Votes for Women exhibition plus lunch at Mount Stewart are Irene Murray from Shrigley and Gemma Toner from Dunmurry. Congratulations!


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