I AM a member of a running club and last year a new guy joined that I was immediately attracted to. However, at the time, he was seeing someone else, so I tried to forget about him.
It didn't work though, and I kept finding ways to stay close to him when running or during the regular club meetings, which is how I found out he'd split up from his girlfriend.
Almost immediately he made it clear that he was interested in me and we started going out shortly after that. We spent nearly all our free time together and he often stayed at my place over the weekend. We had a great week together in Greece and had discussed going to the Caribbean in January for some winter sun. We had also talked about doing a running holiday trip around the UK next year.
I fell for him in a big way, which is why I am now a complete mess because three nights ago he dumped me by text. There was no explanation and no apology, he just said it wasn't working out. He's stopped coming to the running club, has blocked my mobile number and unfriended me online.
How can he go from being with me for almost every waking moment, to not wanting to ever see me again? I miss him so much and wonder if I should I try to get him back?
PW
FIONA SAYS: Do you really want to rescue a relationship with a man who can treat you like this? I know it hurts and you miss him, but he's already made it clear that he wants no further contact and, if you try to speak to him again, I think you're only likely to face more rejection and pain.
Digital dumping is one of the nastier aspects of today's technology and its use is increasing.
It's little wonder really: It's easy and doesn't require any of the messy face-to-face emotional stuff that usually takes place at the end of a relationship.
Don't get me wrong, I am absolutely not condoning what this man has done. Ending a relationship in this way is cowardly and hurtful, and you have every reason to feel angry and rejected.
While you may want to confront him for an explanation and/or vent your anger, I am not sure that there is much to be gained from this. If you feel you really do have to say something though, it might be better to write a letter or email to let him know how immature, dishonest and cowardly his actions have been.
Then I suggest you block his phone number too, and try to put this one behind you.
It might be that he was on the rebound from his recent split. You were there for him when he was, perhaps, feeling down about the break-up from his ex, and maybe he's used you to help himself recover.
You deserve more than this man delivered and your confidence will have taken a knock - but you can recover from this if you remember that he was weak and cowardly and not worthy of you.
HOW CAN I REJECT MY PAL'S JOB OFFER WITHOUT CAUSING OFFENCE?
I mentioned to a good friend recently that I was thinking of going back to work, and he took this to mean that I was asking for a job in his cleaning company.
He called me the next day and offered me a cleaning job, and before I could think of way to say no, he said he'd meet me at the depot on Monday. He's even started telling other people that I am joining the company.
The fact is, I hate doing my own cleaning, having done it for my family for the past 20 years, and the last thing I want to do is more of it now. How can I get out of this without hurting his feelings?
HT
FIONA SAYS: Your friend has jumped the gun and you need to put a stop to this now, before he incurs any business costs. It's likely to feel awkward and perhaps a bit embarrassing for you both, but better this than the fallout that might occur if you start the job and then leave.
I suggest you thank him for his kind offer and repeat to him what you've said to me. If he still pushes, don't get angry, say you value his friendship and would rather not risk it by working for him.
If he's the good friend you say he is, he should accept this. If he doesn't and tries to pressure you into working for him, tell him you're unlikely to make a good employee as you hate cleaning.
I'M UPSET THAT MY GRANDCHILDREN NEVER THANK ME FOR GIFTS
I am 72 and have given my four grandchildren presents at birthdays and Christmas even since they were born. Never once have they thanked me properly, and while I know it's probably a sign of the times, it does hurt.
I have thought about mentioning it to my daughter, but I don't want to create any ill will.
It's hard enough finding time to be with them as it is, as both parents work, and when they're not working, they're on the go looking after the children. When the children aren't out and about doing things, they've got their noses buried in mobile phones, tablets, or something else I know nothing about.
I wish there was something I could do to make them see how hurtful it is.
Anon.
FIONA SAYS: When you say they haven't thanked you 'properly', I do hope you mean that they haven't written a note. If they've not even said thank you, then that's very rude and I think you should speak to your daughter to express your concern.
Finding time with busy families and grandchildren is never easy, and I fully understand your reluctance to do anything that might jeopardise the time you have with them now.
You could set them a good example and make a point of thanking them, either by phone or letter for anything that they do for you. Hopefully in time, they will see that it is good to thank people for gifts.
You might also consider getting to grips with a smart phone or tablet yourself, as this would make it easy for them and give you another way to contact your busy family.
Age UK (ageuk.org.uk) and the University of the Third Age (u3a.org.uk) often have courses or groups that help older people get to grips with modern technology. Alternatively, you could encourage your grandchildren to show you.
MY HUSBAND DOESN'T LIKE MY FRIEND'S PARTNER
I am very close to a friend I have known for many years, and we get together regularly with our respective partners. We've even been on holiday together, which was when it became clear how my husband feels about her partner.
He really doesn't get along with the man at all – he doesn't exactly dislike him, but just finds him terminally boring and looks for ways to not engage with what's going on. Last week, he spent the whole of Sunday afternoon pretending to work on an 'emergency' project just to get out of a card game with our friends.
I want us all to stay friends but I'm worried that they are starting to sense that something is off. What should I do?
WN
FIONA SAYS: I'd be surprised if they didn't know something was amiss. You say 'our friends' but this man is not your husband's friend, and to try and force the situation is only going to make things worse.
Before that happens, you need to find a solution.
Could you not spend more time with your good friend without the men being there? An occasional get-together as a group of four is fine, but do you all need to be there every time? It's clear these men have little in common and you risk creating a great deal of resentment if you continue to do so.
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