Sleb Safari: A Footballers' Wives and Eldorado mash-up would make perfect TV

SLEB Safari greets you today in the style of Theresa May, that is to say it is robot dancing its way towards you while Abba plays at a sensible volume from speakers.

Sleb Safri loves that Theresa May has made dancing her thing and thinks more party leaders should rock up to their party conference with a devil may care attitude and fully commit to a signature dance move. Theresa’s is ‘shoulders up to the ears meets Peter Crouch’ and Sleb Safari invokes Len Goodman with a rousing cry of “seven”.

Now that’s quite enough of the serious stuff, no-one wants to hear about dancing, Abba and red lines down the Irish Sea when there are more pressing matters, such as a possible return of Footballers’ Wives.

Gary Lucy, aka Kyle Pascoe, is open to the possibility of resurrecting his iconic role, telling The Sun "There has been loads of talk about a revival but would I go back? I'd absolutely love to revisit that at some point but who knows what the future brings."

Who knows indeed Gary.

Footballers’ Wives was a precursor to the Real Housevives show except a little less scripted.

It was the show that gifted us Chardonnay as a girl's name and as a result there are teenage Chardonnays in homes around the land, refusing to do homework and dreaming of one day setting their silicone breasts alight.

Kyle Pascoe and Chardonnay Lane-Pascoe from the inimitable Footballers' Wives

If Footballer’s Wives is making a comeback then so too could Eldorado. It was also woefully brilliant.

Eldorado ran for one year on BBC and was a cross between EastEnders and Neighbours and therefore doomed to failure. Sleb Safari is firmly of the opinion that the only reason everyone in Albert Square gets into scraps and each other’s beds is the rain. Eldorado was set in a fictional town at the beach in Spain so you’d have expected the ex-pat residents to have spent their time playing golf and hosting endless groups of visiting friends and family, not emulating the shenanigans of Albert Square.

Eldorado replaced Terry Wogan’s chat show, the imaginatively named Wogan, on BBC1 and was shown three times a week. There were no omnibuses in ye olden times so if you missed it you missed out.

The series was dire to begin with but picked up. Promise. Sleb Safari remembers being quite the fan and feeling bereft when it was cancelled. Truth be told Sleb Safari didn’t experience another loss like it until burglars stole its CD single of Hanson’s MMMBop.

The final episode of Eldorado was quite the send off. As Marcus Tandy's car burst into flames the attempt on his life was revealed to have failed as Marcus sailed off into the sunset with his adoring girlfriend. Pure Footballers' Wives. Imagine how great it would be if they created an Eldorado/Footballers' Wives mash up??? Come on TV execs, make it happen.

Marcus Tandy sails off after escaping an attempt on his life


Paul McCartney wanted to impress John Lennon

The Beatles at the launch of Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band in 1967. Picture by Linda McCartney

THE latest addition to the Celebrities, They’re Just Like Us cannon is a tale of someone wanting a friend to say something nice. Step forward Paul McCartney and John Lennon.

In a nutshell Paul says John only praised his songwriting skills once. To scene set, Paul McCartney’s genius has produced a body of work that includes Let It Be, Penny Lane, Hey Jude, Can’t Buy Me Love, Hello, Goodbye and Blackbird. Yet John Lennon only gave one his seal of approval and that was Here, There and Everywhere.

Paul told 60 Minutes about it.

“It was Here, There and Everywhere. John says just as it finishes, ‘That's a really good song, lad. I love that song’ and I'm like, ‘Yes! He likes it!’"

See, celebrities are just like us.


Jamie Dornan as the next James Bond?

The name's Jamie, Jamie Dornan 

THE latest name to be mentioned in the same breath as the words 'the next James Bond' is Jamie Dornan, which is, um interesting.

Jamie says he's flattered but he hasn't given it much thought.

“You cannot really plan anything in this industry. I never have goals in it, really, I never have parts that I would want to chase or anything, just see what happens.

“But it’s cool to be in those conversations.”

It would be nice to have a Co Down man as the next James Bond.



Social Media Smut


Love is... making time for yourself from time to time. R+R @mii_amo_spa

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