Sleb Safari: Strictly Come Dancing is ready for lift off
STRAP yourself in, people, because Strictly Come Dancing blasts off this weekend. It’s chockablock full of men and women whose lifetime ambition is to be dipped whole in a vat of body glitter, like a skewer of strawberries in a chocolate fountain, manhandled into sparkly spandex and steered around the room by a hottie with a torso chiselled from marble.
In turn, this will elongate the careers of those in the entertainment industry and create opportunities in that industry for contestants from the world of sport and the like. A slot on Radio 2 on bank holidays awaits at least one plucky contestant. But who could it be?
Susannah from Trinny and…? Dr Ranj Singh? Seann Walsh? Your guess is as good as Ore Oduba’s.
In a week where Theresa May has been unjustly mocked for her dance moves, Sleb Safari can’t wait to see what this year’s Strictly stars pull out of the bag.
The frontrunner has to be former Pussycat Doll Ashley Roberts. Ironically, on launch night, the BBC decided to dress the female professional dancers as Pussycat Dolls if they were at a gig by a Whitesnake tribute act.
Shirley Ballas has been talking to Good Housekeeping magazine ahead of the show starting and has cheerfully described her fellow judges as "mad as hatter", the "epitome of femininity" and someone whose bark is worse than his bite.
Apparently, Bruno loves to run around in his underwear, she adds, as only a dancer could: "He’s cute, he’s got a great figure and he makes me laugh."
The most alarming contestant reveal was Susannah Constantine talking about her wardrobe for the show.
"I’m very happy to be kind of matronly a little bit, but colourful."
Explaining how her launch night dress was chosen, she said: "I did say, OK, I want to keep my arms covered because I’ve got real old chicken wings, you know that bit of skin there that’s slightly flabby?
"So that was very important to me. And I didn’t want anything high necked because otherwise my head would look like it was growing out of my boobs."
Susannah thinks the people in the Strictly wardrobe department are "extraordinary".
"They know exactly what they are doing," she said. "So much is taken into consideration. You’ve got to be able to move, things can’t slip, things can’t ride up, it’s got to move with your body.
"I think that fashion designers should take a lot of tips from the way Strictly clothes are made. They really are incredible and I’m hoping to take a few back home with me!"
For what purpose, one wonders? When in life might one require a short, spangly, yet also fringed neon coloured dress with flesh-toned panels holding the whole thing together?
Tell us more Susannah – but not just yet, because the Strictly rocket is ready to launch. Chocks away!
Ellen DeGeneres and Olivia Wilde are too cute
THIS week the too cute award goes to two deserving winners. Olivia Wilde and Ellen DeGeneres are sharing the award after their Insta love in.
On National Dog Day (yes mum, that is a real thing) Olivia posted a picture of her dearly departed pooch Paco lying on her bed as she slept. On the wall above her bed was a framed picture of Ellen on the beach in a vintage swimsuit, enjoying a cold drink.
Next thing you know, Ellen posts a picture of her sitting on her bed, casually writing in a notebook with two dogs and a cat chillaxing beside her and a huge framed picture of Olivia’s original post. Lols. Olivia and Ellen, an 'I’m too cute' mug is in the post to each of you.
Mrs Doubtfire on Broadway
GREAT news Mrs Doubtfire fans, your favourite Scottish nanny is coming to Broadway.
The 1993 film, which starred the late, great Robin Williams, is being turned into a musical and not a moment too soon.
Can you believe it’s 25 years since Mrs Doubtfire was in the cinema? Yikes.
Social Media Smut
The summer is coming to an end and my best moment was when my husband surprised me with a vow renewal - it was not what I would have chosen to wear to my wedding but I was told I was going to the spa! #luckyinlove #wedding El mejor momento de este verano fue cuando mi marido me organizó una ceremonia sorpresa para renovar nuestros votos matrimoniales. Yo hubiera escogido otro vestido pero me dijeron que íbamos al spa #sorpresa