Sleb Safari: Celebrity Big Brother is back to haunt us
HELLO and welcome to the Celebrity Big Brother house, where the theme this year is Eye of The Storm for no other reason than reality TV peeps like to think they’re so important they cause a ‘media storm’ just by getting up in the morning.
The show has been controversial over the years, with contestants being booted out for causing "widespread offence" (Christopher Biggins) and escorted off the premises by security guards (Kim Woodburn).
And then there was George Galloway’s impression of a cat. Sleb Safari still feels queasy when it remembers the incident and it was 12 years ago. Rula Lenska is likely still in therapy.
This year’s line up is the usual mix of people from other reality shows, glamour models, people off the telly and a Hollywood star.
First into the house was Cheers’ actor Kirstie Alley who’ll be worth her appearance fee because she’s not going to be able to resist talking about John Travolta, the man she calls "the greatest love of my life".
Kirstie’s Twitter bio says she’s a "mother, actress, lover of CAPS, lemurs and off color language", so we’re in for a treat.
Former Arsenal player Jermaine Pennant’s in there too. His claims to fame are that the £2m Arsenal paid to sign him at age 15 was the highest transfer fee for a teenage player; he has three drink driving convictions and was the first player to wear an electronic tag on the pitch.
Jermaine has warned viewers not to judge a book by its cover, which is timely as he published his memoirs two weeks ago. It was courtesy of this book that his ex-girlfriend found out that her cat hadn’t run off – it had been killed by his dog.
Another one to watch is Rodrigo Alves who has had dozens of cosmetic surgeries, including the removal of four ribs. His nose has had a lot of attention paid to it in the operating theatre and, mark Sleb Safari’s words, he is going to be a snorer. For that reason alone he could be the most unpopular housemate.
The first out of the house should be Ben Jardine for two reasons:
1) The poses he struck on the red carpet
2) He married a stranger. Anyone who takes part in Married at First Sight should be sent to live on a tiny island in the Hebrides.
Fellow housemate Roxanne Pallett needs our sympathy because she doesn’t drink alcohol and is living in a house full of egotists where the bathroom has holes in the wall.
She’s going to be spending a lot of time hiding out in the diary room chatting.
Other notables include former banker Nick Leeson who caused the collapse of Barings Bank in 1995 and is going to ace the shopping task and 'psychic to the stars' Sally Morgan, who has a phobia of shower curtains, eats five bananas a day and has declared that the house will be "full of ghosts".
Let the games begin!
Win a bottle of Jawbox gin
Jawbox have created two new gins – rhubarb and ginger plus pineapple and ginger and Sleb Safari has a bottle of the delicious sounding pineapple and ginger up for grabs.
Jawbox Gin is the base spirit and it's been infused with the fresh flavour of pineapple and a warming hit of ginger to tickle your tastebuds.
To enter the competition answer the following question:
Which item in the kitchen is Jawbox Gin named after?
Email your answer to firstname.lastname@example.org and mark the entry 'Sleb Safari/Jawbox competition'. The closing date is noon on Wednesday August 22. Usual Irish News terms and conditions apply. You must be over 18 to enter this competition.
Happy Birthday Madonna
What do you do when you're Madonna and your 60th birthday is around the corner? You get some awesome pictures taken and you post them on Instagram daily in the lead up to the big day just in case anyone is unaware of the significance of August 16 2018.
Look at that hot tamale not giving two flying frogs at 60, the same way she didn't give two flying frogs at 16 and all the years in between. Happy birthday, Queen Madge.