Life

Lynette Fay: Love Island aside, we're our own worst critics when it comes to body shaming

The last thing I wanted to do after a day’s work is settle down to watch perfectly groomed, bikini-clad 20-something men and women with perceived perfect bodies as they coupled and uncoupled

Lynette Fay

Lynette Fay

Lynette is an award winning presenter and producer, working in television and radio. Hailing from Dungannon, Co Tyrone, she is a weekly columnist with The Irish News.

To me, the young women in Love Island look like carbon copies of each other
To me, the young women in Love Island look like carbon copies of each other To me, the young women in Love Island look like carbon copies of each other

LOVE Island finished up this week. While millions try to restructure their evenings in its absence, the series meant nothing to me.

Some of you are shaking your heads and judging me for being out of sync with popular culture, others are agreeing with me wholeheartedly.

According to one headline, I’m boring because I didn’t fall for Love Island’s charms. The truth is, the last thing I wanted to do after a day’s work is settle down to watch perfectly groomed, bikini-clad 20-something men and women with perceived perfect bodies as they coupled and uncoupled.

That said, when Big Brother started, myself and my friends made a point of tuning in every Friday night. The voyeurism, love triangles, gossip, the often ridiculous behaviour intrigued us. Perhaps I’ve grown out of this type of engagement.

However, there was something else about Love Island that I found quite annoying. Where was the true representation of the different shapes and sizes of the general public? It certainly wasn’t on screen in any way.

Social media erupted this week after TV presenter and personality Scarlett Moffatt made an appearance on Love Island: Aftersun (I was surprised to learn that after the main show, came another show on which the events of the main show were discussed by a panel of celebrities.)

Scarlett’s underwear was on show when she was on screen – accidentally I assume – and this prompted an onslaught of social media comments about her appearance. A lot of the comments were vile, and very damning of her appearance – her facial features, her figure.

I don’t understand the need in some people to discuss someone else’s looks, or to make comments that are intentionally hurtful about the physical appearance of another.

Scarlett called out the ‘trolls’ and their comments. Good for her.

I think that we all have to develop a very thick skin in this regard. We wouldn’t dream of posting an unflattering photo on social media. Social media, in turn, has made us more self-conscious. To varying degrees, we have all been sucked into the quest for the perfect body and perfect look.

Having only seen their photos, to me, all those young women in Love Island look like carbon copies of each other. Please, someone, call a halt to the ridiculous caterpillar eyebrow trend, the plumped lips, the false eyelashes, the contouring. Can we all stop wanting to look like Kardashians and try looking like ourselves?

Self acceptance, at age 40

That said, at age 40 I think that I have only finally accepted my face. Like most of us, I’ve been on the receiving end of cruel comments about my looks over the years and have wanted to change it all. Now, I’m more accepting of the hand I was dealt and I try to accentuate what I’ve got. It’s all I can do!

The physical form is another matter entirely. I have absolutely no idea what I weigh. I can tell if my jeans aren’t fitting like they used to and if I’m feeling unfit and then I try to do something about it. 'Try' being the operative word.

I went out for a run (a very slow run) with a group of women I know well during the week. Each of them are different shapes and sizes; all have goals. For some it’s fitness; others want to complete a first half marathon; some want to lose weight.

I got chatting to one of the women as we ran and the subject of body shaming came up in conversation. This woman is a tour de force and has transformed her shape and her life through exercise and diet, yet she still has ‘that stubborn few pounds to lose’.

My reply to this comment was ‘nonsense, you look great’ and she made a very interesting observation in reply. Generally, people don’t ‘body shame’ others anymore because it has become socially unacceptable. Instead, we ‘body shame’ ourselves.

Her words really resonated with me as I pounded along the Ormeau Embankment. I’m the one wanting to change my shape so that the next time I look in the mirror, I will be happy with the reflection staring back at me. I’m also acutely aware of the need to be careful about body weight as I get older.

We’re very hard on ourselves and judge ourselves in relation to others and we shouldn’t. After all, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.