Sleb Safari: Is Tom Hardy the next James Bond?
GREETINGS sun worshippers. Have you had enough of it yet? This summertime malarky. This shall-we-barbecue-for-the-10th-day-on-the-trot business? This so-that’s-what-the-bottom-of-the-laundry-basket-looks-like carry on? This I-can’t-believe-I’ve-actually-used-an-entire-bottle-of-sunscreen-at-home caper?
No? Sleb Safari neither? It’s been terribly busy enjoying the sun, indulging in all manner of fun summer related garden activities, as well as fence painting.
Like many tasks, fence painting is fun to a point and that point is around 15 minutes in when the novelty factor wears off and you realise that painting and decorating is yet another item to remove from your list of ‘possible back-up jobs’ because (a) no householder is going to agree to you working for 15 minutes a day and (b) you’re rubbish at it anyway.
Sleb Safari is a master fence painter. Said no-one ever. It starts off carefully, loading the brush with a sensible amount of paint and applying it with smooth, even brush strokes. Fifteen minutes in and Sleb Safari is slapping the paint on any which way and by the end of the job there’s as much paint on Sleb Safari as the fence, leaving Sleb Safari looking like a skewbald horse.
The heat can get to people, though; make them irritable. At least that’s what Sleb Safari is attributing its disagreement with Pierce Brosnan to.
Sleb Safari never thought the day would come when it would have a disagreement with Pierce and yet, here we are, on July 2, at loggerheads over who should be the next James Bond.
Pierce speaks with a smidgen more authority on this subject having been actual James Bond but as of last week Sleb Safari nailed its colours to the mast and proposed Cher and Meryl Streep job share the role with Emily Blunt as their natural successor.
Pierce says Tom Hardy would make a great 007 and shared his musings with The Mail on Sunday’s Event magazine
“Daniel Craig has been an incredible Bond,” he opined.
“He’s very physical, he looks lethal. You genuinely believe this is someone who could kill a man.” Steady on Pierce.
He continued: "I think Tom Hardy could be a good Bond. I'd be happy to see him do it. You need an actor who can put a bit of wiggle into it – that's what makes Bond."
Wiggle? James Bond needs wiggle? Pierce is in the new Mamma Mia film with both Meryl and Cher – surely he has witnessed their wiggle and that should catapult them to the top of the James Bond waiting list?
Have you ever seen Tom Hardy wiggle? To date he’s played both Kray twins. Not much wiggling there. He’s also been Mad Max, who is definitely not known for his wiggle, and a convict whose alter-ego was Charles Bronson. You get the picture.
Sleb Safari is confused and awaits clarification from Pierce or a good shower of rain to put things right; whatever comes first. For now it’s going to light the barbecue.
Gisele knows what's what
THIS week’s hat tip goes to Gisele ‘Don’t Call Me A Model’ Bundchen who gave Sleb Safari pause for thought in a recent Vogue interview.
She spoke to the magazine about a range of issues including her environmental work, her push for ethical fashion and how she’s not a “glitter fancy” dresser, preferring to give her sisters the clothes she is sent by designers.
“People think they need more stuff, but no,” she told the magazine.
“Start with the simple principle of waking up in the morning and asking, ‘What makes my life possible?’ It’s such a simple question. The air I breathe, the soil I step on, the food I eat, the water I drink, the sun that makes me happy. If we understand that our survival depends on the Earth and really appreciate all those gifts, maybe we can show a bit more care.”
Sleb Safari felt suitably chastened and so on wakening the very next morning asked itself ‘What makes my life possible?’ The universe responded: tea and lots of it. Thanks Gisele!
North West begins her campaign for world domination
FUTURE world leader North West is getting a head start on her closest competition, namely Eric Cowell, according to Heat magazine.
“She had a consultation with a marketing firm — they’re helping her develop her brand potential,” Heat declared of the five-year-old daughter of Kim Kardashian and Kanye West.
“North is choosing possible names of a future clothing line, as well as magazines she would like to appear in and TV shows she’d like to be on. She’ll have her own website and is going to launch an Instagram page too. By the time North is 15 she wants to have earned at least $10 million.”
The ball’s in your court Eric Cowell.