Life

Sleb Safari: Kanye West is the life coach you didn't know you needed

Kanye West knows the truth and he wants to share it with you

YOU can’t keep a good man down and it should surprise no-one that Kanye West has made a triumphant return to Twitter, tossing out snack-size bites of Kanye-isms.

Kanye is writing a book in real time and has become the life coach you never knew you wanted.

“If you wanna see the true character of [a] person watch the way they treat someone who can’t do anything for them,” is one tweet.

Sleb Safari is going to write some of these on Post Its and leave them for people to find. No need to thank Sleb Safari, instead it humbly asks that you pay it forward.

Kanye feels very strongly that love should be our guiding force and has devoted what is surely a chapter of the real time book to this lesson.

“Everything you do in life stems from either fear or love” and “fear often causes people to be manipulative” he shares.

Before long these Kanye-isms are going to turn up on Facebook with all the other meaningful quotations wrongly attributed to Einstein, Aristotle and Oprah.

“Truth is my goal. Controversy is my gym. I’ll do a hundred reps of controversy for a 6 pack of truth” is ripe for Instagram. Maybe white writing on a French navy background? Pacifico font?

Content warning: Kanye gives terrible careers advice.

“You have the best ideas. Other people’s opinions are usually more distractive than informative. Follow your own vision. Base your actions on love. Do things you love and if you don’t absolutely love something stop doing it as soon as you can.”

Do not, Sleb Safari repeats, do not hand in your notice just because Kanye says you should “absolutely love” your job.

And don’t be fooled by this tweet either: "As a creative your ideas are your strongest form of currency. You have to protect your ability to create at all cost. Try to avoid any contractual situation where you are held back from your ideas."

Don’t lose sight of the fact Kanye is a multi-millionaire and when he waffles in meetings it’s an Emperor’s New Clothes situation.

Kanye is writing his book in real time because it gives him full control.

“No publisher or publicist will tell me what to put where or how many pages to write. This is not a financial opportunity this is an innate need to be expressive,” he explains.

Do you recognise yourself in this sentence: “Some people have to work within the existing consciousness while some people can shift the consciousness.”

"Often people working with the existing consciousness are jealous of those who are more in touch and they become hard-core capitalist in hopes of creating the illusion that the value of money is worth more than the value of time and friends."

And just as the Dalai Lama started to look nervously over his shoulder Kanye lobbed in a few details about his new album, out June 1 for those who want to spend their hard-core capitalist cash on it...

 

Tiffany Haddish explains her move from knock-off bags to designer

Tiffany Haddish as Dina in Girls Trip

Tiffany Haddish, she of Girls Trip and Tiff and O’s Vegetables’ fame, has given us an insight into how she justifies buying spendy handbags.

Her 'philosophy' is that she should never spend more on a bag than she can afford to carry in it, in cash.

“If it's a $300 purse, I have to put $300 in cash in that purse. I do not want a bag that is more expensive than the cash I have to put in it. Things are going good for me now, so I am graduating to your Fendis and your Guccis.”

Tiffany was homeless in her twenties and slept in her car so her priorities are in order.

"If things start to go wrong, I'm going right back to my knock-offs. When you're somebody like me, who's been homeless, clothes are not that important," she told Hollywood Reporter.

"Clothes are not a roof over my head, food in my stomach, my family's health — that's what money is for.”

 

Pipe Down Peter Waterman

Well, well, well Pete Waterman, you've only gone and annoyed millions of people. Quite the feat. The pop mogul who brought us Kylie, Rick Astley and oodles of others says he doesn't 'get' Ed Sheeran.

"I love modern music but I'm not an Ed Sheeran fan at all, I don't get him, at all. I wouldn't have signed him. He makes great records, don't get me wrong, but it's all too derivative [of other artists], too bitty," he told the Mail online.

Can of worms Pete. Can of worms.

 

Social Media Smut

 

GOAL ACCOMPLISHED!!

A post shared by Cardi B Official IG (@iamcardib) on

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