Sleb Safari: Yeezy Dating helps Kanye West super fans fall in love
HELLO and welcome to the world of Yeezy Dating, a dating site “for fans of the genius Mr Kanye West”.
With the news that south London super-fan Harry Dry has created a site to help other super-fans connect and fall in love comes the realisation that we have reached peak internet dating.
The premise is simple. You rank Kanye’s albums and are matched with a like minded soul within your geographical sphere. Not being a super-fan itself, Sleb Safari thinks, but cannot guarantee, Kanye has only made eight albums so the odds of a match are really really high. FYI Taylor Swift fans are banned from using the site.
Of course there is every chance that when you swipe right and find Kanye’s other biggest fan you’ll discover it’s actually Kanye himself, using a pseudonym and poking around the dating site reading what people are saying about his genius.
Yeezy Dating goes live next month but if you’re single and Kanye doesn’t feature on any of your Spotify playlists may Sleb Safari be so bold as to suggest one of the following dating sites for music fans?
Beyoncé’s Single Ladies
Do you have a desk fan which you tell colleagues is for summer but secretly you turn it on at 5pm every day and imagine yourself as Beyoncé, on stage, hair blowing, fearless, going full Sasha Fierce? Is your password for everything TheBeyhive? Did you practice the Single Ladies dance routine in the mirror for hours but still look like an arthritic dinosaur? Then this is the dating site for you.
Mariah Carey Butterfly Heaven
Are you a member of the Lambily? Do you believe in being carried everywhere because your feet should never have to touch the earth? Do you live in lingerie? Are you an elusive chanteuse? Do you wear diamonds in the bath?
Are heels and a corset the only two things you’d save in a house fire? Do you live in fear of being photographed in bad lighting? Is a bikini the only thing you wear on a ski holiday? Then this is the site for you.
MariahCareyButterflyHeaven.com will introduce you to other lambs and you can decide how short is too short for denim shorts and what Bryan Tanaka’s true motives are, all while listening to Mariah’s Greatest Hits. On repeat.
Lionel Richie’s Endless Love
Hello? Is it me you’re looking for? Do you love Lionel more than life itself? Are you built like a brick house? Has your wife caught you in a hotel room with another woman? Do you hate your daughter’s boyfriend? Are you still working even though you could retire? Are you easy like Sunday morning? Is a pottery class your perfect first date? Do you want someone to model your head in clay? Do you dream of meeting someone who’s once, twice, three times a lady? Then sign up to LionelRichie’sEndlessLove.com and let love serenade you.
Do let Sleb Safari if you meet the love of your life.
Michael McIntyre is so funny he's dangerous
Michael McIntyre, he of the floppy hair, wobbly head and witty observations, made a member of the audience come over all funny at a recent show.
Jessica Owen (19) thought she was having a heart attack and headed for A&E in the middle of the show.
“My chest started to really hurt with sharp pains and my arm went numb,” she told The Sun.
“It was pretty scary. We decided to leave ASAP and get it checked out.”
Wise move Jessica, wise move.
“We went to our local A&E at the Derriford Hospital. I had an ECG and was told my chest was inflamed from laughing too much.
“The doctor asked where I had been and he said ‘It’s obvious what you’ve done... you’ve laughed too hard!’.”
Who knew Michael McIntyre was a health hazard?
Cynthia Nixon gets political
In a year like 2018 when everyone knows we can be anything we want to be Sleb Safari can’t help but wonder, can just about anyone run for office in New York?
That’s right, Cynthia Nixon – Miranda from Sex and the City – is contesting the election governor of New York.
What is it with American celebrities and their urge to get political? Stacey Dash from Clueless hopes to win a seat in California. Oprah has already won a presidential election campaign even though she’s not running. The Rock is shaping up to challenge Donald Trump in 2020. Who's next? Salt Bae?
- Competition Winner - the winner of two bottles of Santa Rita 120 wine and tapas dish is Sinead McParland from Belfast. Congratulations!