Sleb Safari: Spice Girls' comeback is not what Craig David wants, what he really really wants
JOYOUS news from Spice World where Scary, Baby, Posh, Sporty and Ginger are still racing around London on a double decker bus borrowed from Ukip, trying to find the Albert Hall.
The ladies are planning a 2018 comeback of sorts and while the details are scant Mel B ‘let slip’ that the group has been invited to the royal wedding when she appeared on a US chat show last week.
The hosts were so excited they were on the verge of tears. Then when she hinted they’d been asked to perform at Meghan and Harry’s reception the roof of the TV studio lifted.
While we’re on the subject of the royal nuptials can someone please tell Piers Morgan, age 52, to stop grizzling about Meghan having friend-ghosted him. If he’s that needy is it any wonder she stopped ringing the bell and asking his mum if he could come out and play?
Lots of people have lots of opinions on the merits of the Spice Girls reforming. Naturally Sleb Safari is all for it. Viva Forever and all that.
Craig David isn’t convinced and shared his musings with the Daily Mail.
“It’s a funny one,” Craig began. How so Craig? Pray tell.
“I mean Spice Girls as a group embodied girl power. I think they’ve grown into women now.”
Well quite. Their average age is 43 so safe to say they are, as you correctly point out, adults.
“It’s like trying to form something, Victoria is doing her own thing now, Mel B is doing her own thing now, they’re all doing their own thing.”
Craig continued: “I mean Geri was very vocal for speaking up about anything political.
“I just think that for them to come back and pretend that they can throw on those little dresses and just vibe again isn’t authentic, back then it was authentic.”
We’ll have to stop you there Craig. The Spice Girls can vibe if they flipping well want to. They can throw on “those little dresses” or tracksuits or trouser suits with bra tops or Herman Munster platform trainers or a union jack tea towel and vibe to their heart’s content if they ruddy feel like it.
Craig further clarified his stance.
“I can’t be talking about young people doing what young people do, parents trying find out what you’re up to, I’m 36-years-old.”
Yeah, Seven Days probably isn’t realistic anymore either.
“There’s certain things that have a time and place but for the fans they would love to have a reunion tour for sure.”
Craig you’re overthinking this. It’s the Spice Girls. Let them sing their hearts out/mouth the words in stadiums around the world if they want to. You know what would get you in the mood for this reunion? When you’re chilling on Sunday after a busy, busy, seven days whack on the girls’ Greatest Hits album and spice up your life.
THIS week’s top telly choices are the third series of Witless, a comedy about two women who make a mockery of the witness protection programme, and Strike: Career of Evil, based on the third Cormoran Strike novel by Robert Galbraith/JK Rowling. You can catch both on the iPlayer. Witless has five episodes and Strike: Career of Evil has two so that’s nearly four hours of brilliant TV to keep you out of mischief.
It’s time to start the music! The Muppets are coming to London
Sleb Safari cannot begin to tell you how excited it is to have purchased tickets for The Muppets at the O2 in London. Kermit has promised “music, comedy, incredible surprises, plus total and complete chaos” which sounds perfect and Miss Piggy wants the venue renamed the Moi 2 Arena which is entirely appropriate.
Miss Piggy is to Sleb Safari and any other sensible adult woman and gay man what Mary Berry is to people who like to cook and bake and be kind to small children and animals.
Miss Piggy’s Guide To Life should have pride of place in everyone’s bookcase. Haven’t read it? Shame on you.
There are now 130 days to go until the entertainment event of the century, nay the millenium, not that Sleb Safari’s counting. It’s time to start the music; it’s time to light the lights!
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