Life

Mind Matters: Why raising children is like managing a Premiership football team

How many times do I have to tell you? Manchester United manager Jose Mourinho has the weight of a dad on his shoulders
How many times do I have to tell you? Manchester United manager Jose Mourinho has the weight of a dad on his shoulders How many times do I have to tell you? Manchester United manager Jose Mourinho has the weight of a dad on his shoulders

BEING a parent is one of the most difficult jobs on the planet. Regularly when parents are asked what was the biggest challenge they faced in life, they will say it was raising a family and looking after their children, especially as teenagers. Yet when asked what was their greatest achievement in life, they will say it was raising that same family.

In some ways it seems that parents can never win. You are responsible for your children under the law for everything from getting them to school to their behaviour in the street. You have to transport them around the place and make sure they are safe. You have to make sure they are happy within themselves and try to resolve any disputes that may arise.

You have to provide a safe place and roof over their heads until they leave childhood and, due to the issues of rising rents and difficulty getting a well enough paid job to pay a mortgage, may have to continue to accommodate them (and sometimes, their partner and offspring) after their 18th birthday. And on top of that you have to pay for everything.

Perhaps worse again, is that if a child does go badly off the rails or loses their way in life, then the first people to be blamed are usually the parents. And if the young person turns out to be a great success, then you might hear “Ah, there was no raising in that child”. Who’d be a parent?

I’ve always thought that the role of the parent had many similarities with the sports coach or manager. Both have limited resources or control and, despite coaching and instruction, can do little when their charges walk out the door or run on to the pitch, yet get blamed if things go wrong and their child or player under-performs.

You only have to look at the English Premiership, with 20 football clubs, where, since the current season kicked off in August 2017, eight managers have got the sack. And while, as a parent, you may not get sacked in this sense (but plenty of us will have been told in the heat of the moment that we are surplus to requirements by our child), you always remain responsible in some way, no matter what age the child you raised now is.

It was for these reasons that I wanted to write a book for parents at all stages of life, in simple and straightforward language with plenty of resources and extra information should you need it.

The theme of sport seemed apt as, apart from the comparison between the parent and sports manager, in sport as in family life, we can experience the full spectrum of life –highs, lows, successes and setbacks.

The book shows how we can learn from the world of sport but, importantly, also highlights how important the job of the parent is in so many ways to so many people.

Finally, while the book acknowledges some of our greatest sporting heroes, it highlights the most heroic role of all in my opinion, that of a parent.

:: Dr Paul Gaffney is a senior clinical psychologist and regular contributor to Mind Matters. His new book, The Family Game: What Sport And Psychology Can Teach Us About Parenting, is available now. All are welcome to the book launch events, which will be at Arora Café, Bow Street Mall, Lisburn at 6pm on Thursday March 8, The Orchard, Drumalee, Cavan at 6pm on Friday March 9, and at the Tommy Makem Arts & Community Centre, Keady on Saturday March 10 at 7pm.