SLEB Safari read recently that, according to American management professor Morten T Hanse, if you want to get ahead in work you need to do less – so, with that in mind, it booked a ski trip.
So, greetings and salutations from Austria where Sleb Safari is throwing itself down ski slopes like someone in possession of much better travel insurance.
The ski instructor is very nearly half Sleb Safari’s age and a speeding speck in the distance for most of the class, but hey-ho, it’s the taking part that counts.
Everyone taking part knows the risks too. It’s not for nothing that from Christmas to Easter the scene in Salzburg airport's departure lounge is reminiscent of a fracture clinic.
Sleb Safari would be happy to report that it’s been aprés skiing like a loon but more often than not it aprés skis until dinner then collapses in an exhausted heap.
Sleb Safari would dearly love to visit the hotel sauna and spa to ease its aching body but has learned the hard way that it's full of naked men. On Sleb Safari’s first and last visit they were splashing in the hot tub, sweating in the saunas, chillaxing in the relative anonymity of the steam rooms, the plunge pools, the salt meditation room... everywhere.
And yet there were male and female changing areas. Why the segregation at that point of proceedings?
In an effort to decompress after that stressful visit, Sleb Safari was browsing the internet on its phone and learned something wondrous.
Greggs, that high street purveyor of pasties, is offering true romantics the chance to dine there on St Valentine’s Day for the princely sum of £15 per couple which includes four courses, a glass of prosecco and not a tray in sight.
You’ll be seated at a table bedecked in a white tablecloth and enjoy waiter service as classical music is piped from wherever Greggs usually pipes its choons.
Granted the main course is your choice of Greggs' puff pastry parcel, but that’s half the craic of the evening. You’ll also scoff mini doughnuts and petit fours. If that doesn’t scream 'marriage proposal', Sleb Safari doesn’t know what does.
Here’s the complete menu:
Starter
A composition of canapes – seasoned pork and puff pastry slider, steak and blue cheese en croute, katsu tortilla wrap, Mexican chicken chipotle spoon, bechamel toasted honey cured ham square and tomato gazpacho.
Main
Your choice of signature Greggs puff pastry parcel, freshly baked to order, accompanied by oven roasted spiced potato slices and a garnish of fresh Apollo and spinach leaves and sunblush tomatoes.
Dessert
A brochette of miniature doughnuts paired with a butterscotch flavoured dipping sauce.
Petits Fours and Coffee
Belgian dark chocolate brownie, raspberry and almond bite and caramel shortbread. Accompanied by freshly ground Fairtrade coffee.
To drink
Italian prosecco, soft drinks, still or sparkling mineral water.
Unfortunately, the Valentine’s menu is currently only available in three English cities, plus Glasgow and Cardiff. Northern Ireland has been left off the list. Do you know what we need? An online petition. Watch this space.
Give us a clue Ryan!
Ryan Reynolds is developing a new Cluedo film and here’s hoping it’s as good as the original from 1985, which was called Clue.
Sleb Safari loved Cluedo back when it was an anklebiter. LOVED it. Colonel Mustard in the library with a candlestick. Miss Scarlett with the rope in the ballroom. There wasn’t a permutation Sleb Safari wasn’t happy with.
Perhaps this explains its love of a grown-up murder mystery evening. What’s not to like? You get to dress up in costume, pretend to be someone else, make preposterous claims and accuse everyone around the table of being a scoundrel and a killer.
Truth-be-told, Sleb Safari is hosting a murder mystery evening in a couple of weeks where guests will be adopting dodgy Russian accents and travelling back to 1919.
Ryan Reynolds has yet to RSVP.
Competition Time
To celebrate the launch of Pure Bite, Sleb Safari is giving you the chance to win a year's supply of the healthy snacks.
One winner will receive 50 packets of Pure Bite clusters in a selection of four flavours – Popped Rice Clusters available in blueberry and cranberry or strawberry and gojiberry and Nut Clusters available in almond, or hot and spicy.
The Almond Nut Clusters won a Great Taste Award 2017 and the snacks are dairy free, gluten free, vegan, preservative free, high fibre, high protein, low salt, low sugar and low in calories.
Popped Rice Blueberry and Cranberry have 80 calories per pack. To find out more visit www.ilovebite.co.
To enter the competition, answer the following question correctly: Which nut is the fruit of an evergreen tree that is found on the banks of the Amazon and Orinoco Rivers?
Email your answer to competitions@irishnews.com and mark your entry ‘Sleb Safari/Pure Bite competition'. Please include your name, address and contact telephone number. The closing date is noon on Wednesday February 7. Usual Irish News rules apply.
