Sleb Safari Celebrity Awards of 2017
HELLO and welcome to the Sleb Safari Celebrity Awards of 2017. As always it was a close run race and a game of two halves. There were winners, there were losers, but what mattered was the taking part.
1 Most Dangerous Celebrity on the Internet Award
In September cybersecurity firm McAfee revealed that Avril Lavigne is the most dangerous celebrity on the internet. It’s a fitting accolade for someone who used to be married to the most dangerous (for your health) man in music, one Chad Kroeger from Nickelback.
2 Best Celebrity Demand
Speaking to OK! Magazine Sinitta helpfully set out the rider she had given to Celebrity Big Brother when asked to appear in the show.
"If I last more than halfway, I want my puppy to visit me. I want a swearing ban, because I don't swear and people shouldn’t be allowed to swear at me or around me,” Sinitta explained.
"I asked for a bodyguard who would stand with me at all times… If they provide alcohol then I want tequila.”
And the reaction from Celebrity Big Brother?
"The producer said it’s the most ridiculous rider they’d ever had. It has gone a bit quiet, I must admit."
3 Hooray! They’ve brought back my favourite TV show award
This goes to all the smart, funny and gorgeous people behind the decision to reboot Will & Grace. It’s really Jack and Karen we’re most excited about but roll on January 5 when series nine starts on Channel 5.
4 Best TV show of 2017
Always the most difficult of awards and one that has Sleb Safari tossing and turning for days, nay weeks. This award can make or break careers and so it is with dramatic pauses that Sleb Safari announces the joint winners – Witless, Motherland and The Good Fight. Runners up are Broadchurch, Line of Duty and Catastrophe.
5 Quote of the year
Claudia Winkleman, she who likes to look as though she has spent the night in a skip, has a badass mum who she thanks at every opportunity for raising her so magnificently. It’s to Claudia’s mum, Eve Pollard, that Sleb Safari presents this award for her breezy summing up of how to build a strong woman.
“I think it’s important to teach girls that they are people first and looks second. Frankly, mirrors are for brushing your teeth and that’s about it…”
6 Most ridiculous celebrity claim award
There could only be one winner here for he was head and shoulders ahead of the pack with his claim that a hotel “spiked” his pancakes with cheese. Step forward Jaden Smith, progeny of Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith.
It all went down in Toronto in May with the general public alerted by a tweet from our hero: “The Four Seasons In Toronto Spiked My Pancakes With Cheese, I'm Surprised I'm Still Alive.”
A runner’s up prize goes to Myleene Klass for her claim that she hasn’t had a day off in 10 years. That’s Myleene whose holiday snaps regularly feature in papers and magazines. You’ll have seen her lounging by a pool, floating on an inflatable in the pool and generally enjoying being on holiday. Yes, Sleb Safari thinks not having a day off in 10 years would be just the tonic at this time of year.
With the awards wrapped up all that remains is for Sleb Safari to wish you a happy and healthy Christmas. See you in 2018!
George Clooney spends $14m; finds love
AND so to George Clooney who seems to be one of those exceptionally rare humans for whom no-one has a bad word.
Rande Gerber, husband of Cindy Crawford, is George’s friend and business partner and he’s been telling a great story about the time Signor Clooney gifted 14 of his closest friends $1 million each after summonsing them to his home on September 27 2013.
“George begins to say, ‘Listen, I want you guys to know how much you've meant to me and how much you mean to me in my life. I came to Los Angeles, I slept on your couch. I'm so fortunate in my life to have all of you and I couldn't be where I am today without all of you.
“'So it was really important to me that while we're still all here together, that I give back. So I want you all to open your suitcases.’”
Inside each suitcase was $1m.
Rande says George explained: "I know we've all been through some hard times, some of you are still going through it. You don't have to worry about your kids, you don't have to worry about, you know, school, you don't have to worry about paying your mortgage."
Exactly one year later George married Amal Alamuddin and Rande reckons that was good karma. Sleb Safari isn’t suggesting any singletons spend $14m to find love but maybe write a Christmas card to your friends and see what karma comes back with?
Robbie Williams has Cameron Diaz to thank for his happy ever after
MORE love news this week with Robbie Williams talking about the moment he committed to his wife, Ayda Fields.
Robbie got presonal during a sit down with Lorraine Kelly.
“I was out one evening and I was just with – name dropping, watch your feet – Drew Barrymore and Cameron Diaz, and I was talking about this girl I had just split up with.
“It was one of those sliding door moments where Cameron said ‘It sounds as though it’s not over’ and in that moment something clicked, something changed and instantly I was like ‘yeah, I should go and marry her’.
“I didn’t say that out loud because that would have been really weird, but then I got in a car and went to see Ayda, knocked on the door and that was the moment I committed myself to her and she to me.”
Sleb Safari loves that Cameron Diaz is the friend who talks sense but wonders why Robbie is silent on Drew Barrymore’s input...