ALMOST there. Excitement or panic? Most of us are budgeting this week. Even if you’ve been buying presents all year and putting aside money for the turkey there are plenty of families finding it very difficult and I suspect the stress levels among women of all ages are the highest.
That’s not being sexist – just my experience, whether it’s end-of-term results to worry about or the office party and the possible dangers when the big bosses have a few too many, or relationship bust-ups that seem to excel in December and January.
However, for all those women in the eye of the storm, there are many more who will have a happy, relaxed well-organised Christmas and, according to Cai Graham, they’ll be the ones who take some time for themselves and delegate.
Cai Graham is a parent, author and councillor specialising in supporting families through chaos and trauma and under her umbrella organisation ‘The Teen Toolbox’ she has published a book and broadcasts a self-care advent calendar.
At 10am each morning until December 24 tune into Cai live on Facebook and spend a few minutes, she promises, in an oasis of calm, themes concentrating on ‘you’, male or female, young or old, tips and techniques for coping delivered in a bright and breezy way and a relevant ‘app’ for everything.
From time to time in everyday family life, people need guidance. The old saying goes,‘It’s better to come from a broken home than to live in one’, and with something like 51 per cent of homes in the UK 'broken homes', it’s a sad situation. The nuclear family is under great strain and this effects children – reports say nearly one in three is living without their father or mother.
In her book The Teen Toolbox: Equipping Parents And Teenagers With The Tools For Navigating Adolescence, Cai repeats that there are only two kinds of people in this world, drains and radiators and children respond best to the warmth, comfort and support of radiators!
She advocates looking after yourself in order to be strong for others this Christmas; involve your children in everything; give them something to do; bake with them; don’t tidy their rooms – that’s their responsibility; take a day off; during next week have a fish and chip tea instead of cooking and then delegate the washing up also; have a rota for shopping; ask your husband to call in the supermarket on the way home for little extras.
Be organised and calm to save yourself additional anxiety.
“We expect understanding and respect from others, especially our children but children learn by observation the question is are they receiving understanding and respect from us.”
Christmas is a time to think back to your own years of growing up. Mine were family with everyone piling into my granny’s home and there was something for each of us to do, folding parcel paper neatly, the children organising a nativity play after the turkey was consumed, as the older members of the family would sit in the firelight and try not to snooze!
Dishes were the bugbear – at our height we might have been 20, so you can imagine how long it took without the joy of a dishwasher – that was down to Dad and various helpers.
Although she won’t do the dishes for you, Cai will offer you common-sense suggestions to help you cope in a gracious way – people will be amazed at your relaxed attitude!
There’ll be lots of electronic presents this Christmas and in her book she deals with social media and the dangers of technology: “The sooner we’re able to guide our children through the minefield the better.”
She gives practical tips on keeping control and a check list which includes bringing up sensitive subjects, talking to your child in a constructive way so as not to alienate them and have them resort to secret urges.
She advises parents not to lecture their stroppy teenagers, let them lie in – at their age they need extra sleep – but don’t tidy their rooms for them. It’s a delicate time when good sense and understanding are needed. Hard, I know – but worth trying.
“It is possible to breeze through Christmas relatively unscathed. It just boils down to a bit of support and a bit of carefully selected me-time. Embrace next week with calm, good humour and a good old fashioned dose of common sense.”
Just type Cai Graham into your Facebook page and catch a chat or, for her useful book, go to amazon.co.uk to order or download on Kindle before chaos sets in.
Monday of next week is the day; may it be full of the Nativity and Christmas joy. I wish you love and peace.
