Sleb Safari: Will your Christmas Eve party be anything like the Kardashians'?
IF YOU need a reminder that the Kardashians lead a life sooooooo far removed from your own that’s it practically in another galaxy, let Sleb Safari take you by the elbow and steer you gently towards the latest edition of Glamour magazine where momager Kris Jenner talks about how her family celebrates Christmas.
While you were panicking about childcare during the summer holidays the Kardashians were having their first family meeting to plan their annual Christmas Eve party.
“We start organising in July,” Kris told Glamour.
“The first call I make is to Jeff Leatham. He’s responsible for all my house decorations – flowers, garlands, fireplaces – and, most importantly, my trees.” Jeff’s other clients include Oprah and Madonna.
Every Kardashian Christmas has a theme and last year’s was Kandyland Chic. A custom made red polar bear (white is impossible to keep clean) sat comfortably alongside life sized Nutcrackers and nine Christmas trees.
If it sounds like a whole lotta Christmas that’s because it was. But Kris says she used to do even more when her children were small.
“I used to put little baby trees in my kids’ rooms and decorate them according to what they loved. Kendall liked horses growing up, so I’d do an equestrian-themed baby Christmas tree with little horses, and in Kylie’s room I would do a totally pink Christmas tree with Barbies everywhere – it was so cute.”
And as they got a little older it got a lot easier because Kris only had to print out their selfies and attach them to a tree...
Khloe is in charge of the music and the entire Jenner/Kardashian clan have a say on the guest list and the food with a hot-dog-on-a-stick stand rolled out at the end of the night.
Since the guest list is solid A-list there’s a high number of security guards in attendance which Kris, showing a remarkable lack of self-awareness, thinks is the most unusual thing about the bash.
“Every year Santa comes – you know, the real Santa; he’s been coming to our house every year for almost 30 years, since my kids were born. He brings his reindeer, too,” Kris continues.
“The children have their own Santa’s Village, and every year I organise a giant gingerbread house. Inside, there’s a help-yourself candy store and tables set up with elves so every child gets a gingerbread house to make, or they can just decorate cookies.”
She adds: “The budget gets thrown out the window, but what can I say? Christmas is important to me. It’s a wonderful tradition for us.”
And much like a child’s birthday party no-one leaves empty handed.
“We love to give our guests a beautiful present... Last year’s goodie bag was my favourite – the beautiful French silverware brand Christofle does this gorgeous egg [£1,050] with an entire set of silverware inside. We gave 250 of them to guests. It’s so gorgeous, you’d die!”
No Kris, it’s so gorgeous Sleb Safari would put it on eBay the minute it got home. In fact, Sleb Safari will be monitoring eBay this Christmas Day to see who's flogging this year's party swag bag. Happy Christmas The Kardashians!
Rihanna has a street named in her honour
And so to Barbados where it’s most badass export has had a street named after her.
The Barbadian government marked Barbados Independence Day by renaming the street Rihanna grew up on as Rihanna Drive.
She’s cultural ambassador for the island and had a personal message added to the plaque marking the spot where she grew up.
"My life was shaped on this very road. I was just a little island girl riding bikes, running around barefoot and flying kites in the cemetery, but I had BIG dreams. Dreams that were born and realized right here.
“Thank you to my family, my country and the people of Westbury New Road! You will forever be a part of who I am and for that I am honoured to have this place named after me.”
Welcome to Rihanna Drive…
a day my people and I will never forget! all the lessons, running around barefoot, nosey neighbors, braiding hair on the step, playing in the cemetery, walking to the beach, rum shop karaoke keeping the whole street awake til 4am ("only the lonely" by Roy Orbison is playing in my head as I type this) , stealing Sammy pomegranates from his tree, begging my mother to let me walk to Jan's shop cause she had American snacks, selling plastic/glass bottles to Peter so I could buy those American snacks, getting my hair hot combed for Harvest at church, doing my homework on my front step while Miss Hyacinth yells "ya gon get belly hurt from dat cold step" across from her veranda, watching iFE walk past with her dreads dragging on the floor like a couture gown, all the times I thought Melissa came to hang out with me, turns out she was dating my next door neighbor all along, rushing to do dishes when my mother's high heels start hitting the pavement as she gets off the bus from work......right here on this street! WESTBURY is more than a community, we're family!!! Thank you for all that you've poured into my life and the woman I am! It takes a village, and I'm glad my village was you!!!! To God be the Glory!!!! #RiRiDrive
Cheryl’s lack of kitchen utensils is a cause for concern
Thanks to Heat magazine for its less-than-cheery a ‘when celebrity Christmases go wrong’ story.
Cheryl Tweedy/Cole/Fernandez-Versini is the subject of this visit from the ghost of Christmas past and Heat has turned to her autobiography for primary source material.
In it Cheryl chronicles her first Christmas after divorcing Ashley Cole.
“I cooked myself a ready-prepared turkey that I carved with a butter knife because I had no kitchen utensils,” she wrote.
“Then I got a text from [her ex-husband’s] mum, saying, ‘We miss you’... I was collapsed on the stairs and sobbing so hysterically I couldn’t breathe.”
For the love of the baby Jesus would someone please buy Cheryl a carving knife before December 25 so she doesn’t have to endure another turkey-based trauma.
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If Mariah has her tree up then it’s officially the festivation season! It’s Christmas y’all!