THE news has been filled with horrible scenes and horrible words of late. The chilling sight of white supremacists on the march was followed by that of a van being driven at people on a sunny afternoon with the sole intent of killing as many as possible.
When things like that happen sometimes you need to look at something else, to hear something else, to think about something else, just for a minute or two, until you can turn back to the important stuff.
That’s why we’re allowed to get irate about Nestle taking the nut out of Walnut Whips and why we can laugh at stories like this one about the infamous hotel Chateau Marmont taking umbrage with cat spa business Cateau Marmont.
The hotel’s lawyers have reportedly sent a cease and desist letter to the cat groomers, warning that they will pursue claims for trademark infringement, trademark dilution and unfair competition.
Unfair competition is definitely Sleb Safari’s favourite. One is a celebrity haunt that caters to the proclivities of Hollywood stars, plus Lindsay Lohan, the other offers “boarding, grooming, holistic care” for cats. The competition must be fierce.
Grooming constitutes “a good scrub” as well as a trim using “all natural products and heat resistant clippers”.
The overnight stay options are enough to make you rethink booking that last-minute sun holiday.
The Cateau Marmont offers guests their own bungalow with private balcony while communal areas include a large play room and sun room.
Guests are fed organic produce and have access to a personal Kindle Fire “so parents can see and talk” to them via Skype. Oh to be reincarnated as a cat.
The Cateau Marmont website says Kitty can watch birds and squirrels on their Kindle, chillax beside the fire in the playroom or frighten fish in the fish talk all while the humans in charge play music “produced scientifically for cats”.
It sounds like a retreat. Where does Sleb Safari sign up?
A VIP bungalow is only $59 a night but it also measures 4x4x8 so Sleb Safari might have to rethink this LA break. Still, it is considerably cheaper than the $400 or so for the cheapest bungalow at the Chateau Marmont and there’s no mention of a Kindle Fire anywhere on the hotel website.
Cat spa owner MacCaully Shields told ABC7 that the actions of the hotel monolith “felt like someone was trying to not only rob me, but my extended family members of a place to come and feel safe”.
Co-owner Jennifer Shields urged the hotel to back off and promised not to venture into hospitality for humans.
Ms Shields’s lawyer, R Joseph Trojan, was more direct.
“No bar services are offered to the cats at any time… To our knowledge, your client has never used its luxury hotel rooms to shelter homeless animals.”
If anything the Chateau Marmont should be thrilled at the hat tip and retract its claws immediately before someone or something, a squirrel, a fish, a bird or even a Kindle, gets injured.
One Direction’s Louis Tomlinson gets a telling off
And so to the future leader of the free world, Mr Simon Cowell, who has been preparing for the day he assumes control by training small groups of men and women to swear allegiance to him and follow his every dictate.
Step forward One Direction. And step forward Louis Tomlinson.
Louis will explain what happens when you anger a benevolent leader by appearing on telly inebriated.
“I thought, well I’ll just have a couple of beers – and I ended up being really, really drunk on this show – one of the first things [One Direction] did.
“I woke up to a text to find out that I was going to LA the next morning – flown out. I was sat on the plane thinking, ‘What is coming next?’ I landed at Simon’s and he gave me a little dressing down.”
He added: ‘It was positive. But it certainly felt like the scary Simon you see on TV. It was that disappointed vibe… very calm.”
Sleb Safari would happily follow Louis’ example if it thought Simon would fork out for a return flight to LA.
The world’s going to be such an interesting place when Simon is in charge.
Brooklyn Beckham moves to New York
Brooklyn Beckham, progeny of Victoria and David Beckham, has upped sticks and moved to New York. The 18-year-old is there to attend university and according to a source in Heat magazine his mum is worried sick and has hired a security team to keep her first born safe.
“Brooklyn loves to skateboard, so she’s nervous about him being in places like Washington Square Park, which is not the safest of areas,” the source said.
“She doesn’t want to make it obvious, so they’ll be inconspicuous.”
Brooklyn confirmed to GQ magazine that his mum is "upset about me leaving".
"But it's really exciting. I kind of live in the moment. I don't think people in New York will annoy me, and I feel like when I go there, I'll meet lifelong friends. Stuff like that."
So there you have it Vicky B, New Yorkers aren't going to annoy your precious pet, stand down the heavies.
