Life

So unmumsy: Sarah Turner's dispatches from the frontline of parenting

Ahead of her appearance at this month's Belfast Book Festival, mum, blogger and best-selling author Sarah Turner chats to Jenny Lee about the challenges of raising two spirited children, dealing with parental guilt and helping your little ones conquer separation anxiety

Blogger and best-selling author Sarah Turner, otherwise known as The Unmumsy Mum, will be talking about her new book at the Belfast Book Festival
Blogger and best-selling author Sarah Turner, otherwise known as The Unmumsy Mum, will be talking about her new book at the Belfast Book Festival Blogger and best-selling author Sarah Turner, otherwise known as The Unmumsy Mum, will be talking about her new book at the Belfast Book Festival

THE joys of toddler tantrums, potty training, juggling childcare with the pressures of employment– it's all part of the role of a modern-day mum.

Devon mum-of-two Sarah Turner first launched her blog, The Unmumsy Mum, in 2013 after feeling overwhelmed by the demands of parenting and struggling to find an online forum where mothers talked frankly about the difficulties they faced.

With no tales of mums tearing their hair out after yet another sleepless night and endless re-runs of Peppa Pig, she made a vow to document the reality of parenting. Her Facebook page now has 600,000 followers and her debut book, The Unmumsy Mum, took the parenting world by storm in February 2016 becoming a Sunday Times bestseller.

She hasn't been without her critics – last month The Daily Mail described her as a 'slummy mummy' in a column, which slated her for posting a pic of frozen fish fingers that she had served her kids for their tea.

"If taking snaps of fish fingers, cursing the bas***d stray Lego impaling my feet in the middle of the night and offering a virtual hug to mums who are having a shi**y day is wrong then shoot me down," says the 30-year-old. "In the past I would have worried if people would have thought I was a terrible mother. I take it all now with a pinch of salt."

Mum to five-year-old Henry and two-year-old Jude, Sarah previously worked for the Royal Bank of Scotland and as an alumni officer at the University of Exeter, before the success of her blog made her turn her hobby into a career.

In her new book, The Unmumsy Mum Diary, Sarah documents a year of giggles, tantrums and milestones such as her oldest son starting school.

Like most mums, she does struggle with parental guilt.

"You do feel a layer of guilt attached to almost everything, which is a shame. I often wonder where that pressure comes from – is it pressure we put on ourselves or pressure society puts on us. Because I rarely see dads having the same turmoil.”

Like every new expectant parent, Sarah dreamt of cuddles with her newborn and idyllic family days out. And though she was expecting to be tired, the emotional turmoil that accompanied the early weeks of motherhood took her by surprise.

She passionately believes a rose-tinted image of parenting is damaging to new parents.

"My sister had just had a baby and a couple of friends had babies so I expected it to be hard, but nothing can prepare you for the hurricane that actually hits. It just shakes up your whole life. I didn’t realise the knock-on effect of tiredness – feeling emotional and brain fog. The 'new mum' me was a bundle of self-doubt. She wasn’t doing anything right."

While she admits, fives years in, that she is still "winging" parenthood, Sarah has learnt to just take each day as it comes and not get stressed about trying to be the perfect mum – advice she tries to pass on to her readers.

"My boys have taught me so much. One key lesson is that you can't always plan how things are going to turn out, and that's OK."

And how does she cope with those supermarket toddler tantrums?

“It’s very easy to judge parents before you become a parent yourself. You realise as a parent that's just what kids do. Now I never get embarrassed if my children kick off in a public place – I just try to stay calm and with the eldest I threaten him with repercussions," says Sarah, who admits that an unaccompanied trip to the supermarket is blissful "me time".

With her own mother having passed away, Sarah often found herself turning to the internet for advice. She reminds others that whatever battle they might be currently having with their little ones "you are never alone".

"The internet is responsible for a lot of the evils in the world, but being a new parent I certainly found myself looking for support online. Especially in the middle of the night when you’re sat up feeding the baby again, your husband is snoring, and it feels like the whole world is asleep. Online there are other parents dealing with the same colic and reflux."

Last September Sarah also had to deal with the heartache of leaving her eldest in tears each morning at school. His separation anxiety continued for a number of weeks, until a piece of advice from one of her followers put a halt to the tears.

"Well-meaning people whose children never cried or looked back gave me advice, but I couldn’t relate. But somebody sent me advice on Facebook about their child who had been through a similar situation. They told me to they would give their child one extra hug outside the classroom door and then kiss them on the hand and say 'that’s a kiss for your pocket and if you need it during the day you have a kiss from mummy in your pocket you can take out'. I started to do that with Henry and it took the uncertainty out of me leaving and we found our own routine."

Despite the many challenges of parenting, Sarah is keen to encourage parents to have faith and to stress to them that there any many highs along the way.

"There have been the moments you sit there and think, this has come good. For example, packing into the school hall and watching Henry be a shepherd in the nativity play, your heart burst with pride."

:: Sarah Turner will be in conversation at the Belfast Book Festival on June 13 at 7pm at the Crescent Arts Centre. For further details visit www.belfastbookfestival.com