Life

You can take kids nowhere – not even Pippa Middleton's wedding

Whether you're an ordinary mum or a royal, it's a universally known fact that your children will show you up, be it by throwing a tantrum, giving two fingers to photographers or doing their business in the display loo at B&Q, writes Leona O'Neill

The Duchess of Cambridge has her hands full at the wedding of her sister Pippa Middleton and James Matthews at the weekend Picture: PA
The Duchess of Cambridge has her hands full at the wedding of her sister Pippa Middleton and James Matthews at the weekend Picture: PA The Duchess of Cambridge has her hands full at the wedding of her sister Pippa Middleton and James Matthews at the weekend Picture: PA

BEING a mother of young children can be stressful. Kids don't always adhere to the rules of normal civil society and can let you down a bag full, regardless of where you are and who you are with.

There was a Royal wedding at the weekend. Kate Middleton, wife of Prince William, was maid of honour to her sister Pippa, who was tying the knot with hedge fund manager and heir to a Scottish fortune, James Matthews.

It was a glorious affair which drew the great and the good from all corners of aristocratic England. There were thousands of pounds spent on outfits, thousands more on flowers and thousands on the fancy food and champers for the reception. But despite all the money and finery on show a few kids decided to stuff it, they were just going to keep it real.

Prince George threw a massive tantrum outside the church as the lovely Kate tried to keep her cool. He had been playing on the train of her sister's very expensive wedding dress and got a good scolding from his mum in front of the world's media who were delighted to snap her stern face and raised finger as she let rip.

Later in the day, the always demure and refined Kate had another moment where I'm sure she wished herself back on the sofa of Kensington Palace in her housecoat and slippers, watching Grey's Anatomy box sets and not in charge of eight unruly kids high on sugar and excitement.

One of the immaculately dressed pageboys who she, as chief bridesmaid, was charged with shepherding about proceedings, gave a very rude hand signal to the waiting media. It was a photograph that surely stole the thunder from her sister's big day. All photos of her stunning dress and of the happy couple were paired with the photo of the cute kid giving the camera the V sign.

It's a universally known fact that you can take kids nowhere. They will show you up – of that you are guaranteed.

My mother used to regale us with tales of how my older sister would 'tell it like it is' and strike fear into my mother's heart from a very young age. When my mother brought my then six-year-old sister into her workplace my sister commented to my mum's boss that he had gotten 'far balder' since the last time she had gazed upon him, not six months earlier.

One of my sons, who shall remain nameless since he's now all grown up, as a toddler wee'd in a potted plant in the doctor's surgery while I was distracted chatting to a friend. It would have maybe gone unnoticed had he not announced his successful urination beyond the realms of a nappy in a celebratory manner since we were at the potty-training stage and every wee had to be met with clapping and a loud cheer.

My friend Maggie had a similar experience in the toilet department of B&Q in Coleraine when her young son sat up to carry out his toilet business in one of the showroom fast-flush models next to a crowded customer-service desk.

My friend Finneen's toddler son embarrassed her in a crowded shopping centre lavatory by laying on the floor, rolling from her reach and underneath to a neighbouring cubicle to greet a poor shocked woman with a loud 'Hello lady!'

Karen's six-year-old son had the honour of interviewing his footballing hero on television. When he heard the footballer supported Man Utd, he called the team 'sh*te' and his words were beeped out of the end product. Jacqueline's little lad blew his nose on her friend's fancy flowing skirt when he found himself without a tissue at the beach.

Ciara and Ursula's boys have been known to ask random strangers, who are definitely not pregnant, when their babies are due and my daughter asked loudly during a quiet bit in Mass if the priest was "grumpy today because he's not allowed to get married".

These little things, these little people, they are sent to try us. And it doesn't matter if you are married to the future King of England and living in fancy Kensington or you're just a normal mum from Northern Ireland, kids will be kids and it's their life's mission to keep it real, regardless of where or who you are. It's best just to go with it.