WELL, well, well. What have we here? Tom Hardy in hot (and Sleb Safari means hot) pursuit of two teenagers who allegedly committed motoring offences near his house in London?

Holy mackerel, not only has Tom taken neighbourhood watch up a notch or six he’s also gone full Danny Dyer. It all happened one day last week in leafy Richmond.

An eyewitness told The Sun that Tom chased the teenagers through back gardens, hurdling hedges and fences with all the grace and aplomb of a Grand National winner.

“It was mental – like he’d switched to superhero mode in an action movie,” the man said.

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“Tom must have been walking down the road. He went off like a shot in pursuit and looked furious.

“I asked Tom what happened and he told me he chased him through my back garden and caught him around the block – but the route was like an assault course.”

What has Tom been doing in Mad Max: Fury Road and The Revenant if not training for this moment?

Sleb Safari can’t be sure where the reading of children’s bedtime stories fits in but it will all make sense at some point. Perhaps Tom will explain the incident through the medium of a children’s bedtime story. Let’s face it, the only people watching him on CBeebies are grown men and women.

The Metropolitan Police has not confirmed Tom’s involvement and his reps have declined to comment so between the whos, whats, wheres, whens and reallys it’s all gotten a little confusing, but slebville has a long history of its residents tackling supposed crime.

Remember Myleene Klass’s episode with intruders? Madam told every newspaper that would listen how she grabbed a kitchen knife and waggled it at young men who were getting up to no good in her garden.

The drama was heightened further when a shocked Myleene explained that the police officers who responded to her 999 call told her she could have been prosecuted for carrying an offensive weapon, namely the kitchen knife.

A nation was gripped by Myleene’s plight. For a time it looked as though the tabloids would launch a campaign the likes of which hadn’t been seen since Free the Weatherfield One when Deirdre Rachid was banged up for a crime what she didn’t commit.

That particular drama only died a death when Myleene's local police force politely queried her version of events.

Over to you Metropolitan Police of London. Put us out of our misery, was it Tom Hardy hurdling those garden fences or some genetically blessed lookylikey?

Paul O'Grady buys Elton John an unforgettable birthday present

IF Sleb Safari needs a giggle it Googles the gifts celebrities buy each other and luxuriates in their eccentricities and unnecessary spending.

Thus it came to pass that Sleb Safari stumbled across an article in Heat about Paul O’Grady shopping for Elton John, aka one of the richest men in the world.

“People like Elton are a nightmare to buy for, but it’s funny... if you buy him something really simple he’ll love it,” Paul told the magazine.

Oh, so you bought him a Pizza Express gift card then Paul?

“The last thing I bought him were a couple of Lalique crystal doves to put over the lights in the floor in his house in Nice. It was the only thing I could think of.”

Elton must now own one of everything in the world, including a bottle of panda tears and a unicorn, if this was the only thing Paul O’Grady could think to buy him. Epic.

Competition: Win a case of Graham Norton's wine

THIS week, in honour of Eurovision and all who sail in her, Sleb Safari is giving away a case of Graham Norton’s wine.

The Sauvignon Blanc, which is made in collaboration with New Zealand winery Invivo, is the official wine of the 2017 Eurovision so you can sip a chilled glass while scoring the acts on the night.

You can join in the conversation during the heats on the night of the final (May 13) using #Nortonsnightin and pick up a bottle in Centra, Supervalu, Tesco and Majestic Wine if you’re not the lucky winner.

The wine had a limited release of 12,000 bottles in 2014 but is on course to sell 1.5 million bottles this year in five countries.

To enter the competition answer the following question correctly: Which county is Graham Norton from?

Email your answer to competitions@irishnews.com and mark it ‘Sleb Safari/Graham Norton competition’. Please include your contact details – name, address and phone number. You must be over 18 to enter and the closing date is noon on Wednesday May 3. Usual Irish News rules apply.

• The winner of tickets to the RSPB’s Big Wild Sleepout is Edel McCurdy from Newtownabbey.

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