Sleb Safari: Mariah Carey’s All I Want For Christmas being made into a film

AND so to the US of A where we find our elusive chanteuse, Mariah Carey, fairly buzzing with excitement because her song All I Want For Christmas is being turned into a film.

You might be thinking to yourself surely All I Want For Christmas has already been made into a film and it’s called Love Actually, but that’s where you would be wrong.

According to a promotional video posted on Mariah’s Twitter account it’s an animated movie “coming holiday 2017”. American English, dontcha just love it?

Sleb Safari has watched the video so you don’t have to and is happy to report that Mariah is lying on a chaise longue wearing flannelette pyjamas and pearls and holding a dog that wants no part in the whole thing.

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“Every holiday season there are traditions we can’t live without,” the voiceover man booms.

“The tree, the stockings, the presents and Mariah Carey.”

Then it cuts to Mariah whose hair and make-up say dinner in the south of France but whose clothing says duvet day.

Her children’s book, aptly named All I Want For Christmas, is propped on the sofa beside her which would suggest the film plot could mirror the book’s which is about a little girl who wants a puppy for Christmas.

Not having read the book Sleb Safari is at a disadvantage but it hopes that the little girl didn’t end up lumbered with a dog as disinterested as the one in Mariah’s video.

Hollywood Reporter claims to have the inside track: “A young Mariah… sees a darling puppy named Princess at the pet store and suddenly knows exactly what she wants for Christmas. But she must prove that she can pet-sit Jack, a scraggly rascal of a dog who turns Mariah and her family’s holiday preparations upside down.”

So, that explains the dog in the video.

There is so much to love about Mariah. She doesn’t walk anywhere, she climbs into the bath tub dripping in diamonds and she has pretty much worn the same dress, only in different colours, for 25 years. She’s everything.

It’s fair to say that Mariah is somewhat out of touch with the real world but that’s reason enough to love her more.

And she doesn’t need to be in touch when she has a legal team who, after the end of her engagement to billionaire James Packer, sought compensation on the grounds that she had uprooted her life and her children for him.

Her reality TV series recently aired on E! And although Sleb Safari has not had a chance to watch it a friend summed it up thus: “Mariah never sits upright, she’s always on a chaise longue and as the show goes on she wears less clothing and sinks further and further until she’s horizontal”.

Nothing wrong with a lady who favours comfort. Corsets can chafe.

In the meantime Sleb Safari wishes her every success with All I Want For Christmas and looks forward to watching the film holiday 2017 and listening to a soundtrack which consists of that one song played 21 times.

High Five Meghan Markle

This week's sassy lady award goes to Meghan Markle, actress and girlfriend of a royal who's been speaking about colorism.

“I remember the sense of belonging [in her childhood], having nothing to do with the color of my skin. It was only outside the comforts of home that the world began to challenge those ideals. I took an African-American studies class at Northwestern where we explored colorism; it was the first time I could put a name to feeling too light in the black community, too mixed in the white community. For castings, I was labeled ‘ethnically ambiguous.’ Was I Latina? Sephardic? ‘Exotic Caucasian’?”

“Add the freckles to the mix and it created quite the conundrum. To this day, my pet peeve is when my skin tone is changed and my freckles are airbrushed out of a photo shoot.

“For all my freckle-faced friends out there, I will share with you something my dad told me when I was younger: ‘A face without freckles is a night without stars.’?”

Meghan, please accept a high five and rest assured your Sassy Lady Award is in the post.

Barbra Streisand is eating her way to happiness

Barbra Streisand has taken to Twitter to suggest that Donald Trump is causing her to put on weight.

It is the worst – yet entirely believable – excuse that Sleb Safari has ever heard for chubbing out.

“Donald Trump is making me gain weight. I start the day with liquids, but after the morning news, I eat pancakes smothered in maple syrup!” she tweeted, followed by: “Trump just accused Obama of tapping his phones. Seriously crazy times. Time for more pancakes.”

Barbra, life is short. Eat more pancakes. Pour on more syrup. Better yet, buy a pair of tracksuit bottoms and get comfortable, you’ve got four years of pancake eating ahead of you.

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