IT MAY be over seven years since the passing of her identical twin girls Molly and Mia, but while the pain of the loss does ease slightly with time as demands of life take over, Armagh mum Dianna McDowell's love of her little girls never diminishes.
The recent Coronation Street storyline surrounding the late miscarriage of Michelle Connor, played by actress Kym Marsh, who lost her own baby son Ruairi at 23 weeks, stirred up old emotions in Dianna, who set up a charity to raise awareness and support for families across Northern Ireland who have lost a baby.
The Molly and Mia Foundation offers practical and emotional help for the entire family, from counselling and support groups to spa days and yoga and art therapy for the silbings of those who have lost their baby brother or sisters.
Dianna went into premature labour in November 2009 at 30 weeks due to a placenta abruption. Molly was stillborn; Mia survived just 17 minutes.
"I had just got my other kids out to school, when I had a massive rush of blood. I was rushed to hospital in an ambulance and told I was going to deliver. It was manic," recalls Dianna, who almost bled to death, losing seven pints of blood.
"For four days my family thought I wasn't going to live. I was so far gone I remember the sensation of actually rising out of my body and walking towards a light. Afterwards I felt so guilty, because I felt so content to die, when I had three amazing wee boys at home," adds Dianna, who today is mum to Jack (13), James (12), Johnston, aged nine and six-year-Jacob.
Not only did Molly and Mia's death's devastate their immediate family, it had a huge impact on her local community, with people opening up about their own loses and those of their family and friends.
"My own children go to a small country primary school and three families in one classroom had a baby that died. The support we received was amazing so we, with the support of others, decided to turn the loss of our girls into good work and help other families bereaved."
The charity's aim is to remember babies in a positive way and its organisers were delighted to receive some funding to create a memorial garden in Fivemiletown, using land that was donated by Blessingbourne Estate.
Run by volunteers, the garden offers an area of reflection and families can plant a tree in memory of their babies. There is also an allotment, where local schools are involved in growing vegetables and flowers, as well picnic benches, a barbecue area and an eco play area.
The 'memory garden' is also the venue for the charity's Christmas service and balloon release.
"Many families struggle with the fact they never give their baby a proper send-off and this can provide some closure. For me the garden is symbolic of growth and how much new life and hope has been offered to others through the name of Molly and Mia," says Dianna.
As well as a counselling service and monthly coffee meet-ups, they host much-needed pamper and therapy workshops for the mothers who have suffered miscarriage, still birth or infant loss, twice a year at Galgorm Resort and Spa.
"This is an opportunity for the ladies who have lost children to have some quality time, make friends, unwind and receive guidance from our inspirational workshop. And as a tribute to their baby the women have an opportunity to light a candle in memory of them," says Dianna.
One of the most heartbreaking moments for her following the deaths of Molly and Mia was dealing with the registering of their births.
"Whilst Molly was registered as a stillbirth, Mia was a neonatal death, so one girl had a birth and death certificate, the other only had a death certificate. It was very confusing and difficult to deal with so soon after losing a baby," says Dianna, who is passionate that this situation should change and also that babies born before 24 completed weeks of pregnancy should be able to be registered.
Her youngest son Jacob, whom she calls "our miracle angel", was born the following year. "We were so delighted when I got pregnant with Jacob. I always say he brought the sparkle back into our lives."
So does time heal?
"My girls would have been seven in November past and not a day passes where they aren't remembered. It's the same with everyone who has experienced infant loss, including early miscarriages. We've had parents coming who lost their children 20, 30 and 40 years ago".
The Molly and Mia Foundation have been keen in acknowledging the pain felt by the entire family, running a number of therapy through play, art, writing and dance for brothers and sisters who have lost a baby in their family.
"Many bereaved parents and their families are so busy trying to manage their own life and feelings that their children suffer," says Dianne, who was very open with her own boys about the loss and is delighted are very active in volunteering with the charity and helping in the memory garden.
The Molly and Mia Foundation were delighted to recently have received funding through Awards for All to offer some complementary Relax Kids workshops at Tully Holistics in Maguiresbridge. Relax Kids' programme is ideal for children who are struggling with their emotional wellbeing and self-confidence.
The charity have also started providing emergency bags in gynaecology and maternity wards for women who have been admitted in an emergency situation.
"These include essentials such as a night dress, sanitary items, deodorant, shower gels, toothbrush, shampoo and an information booklet about the Molly and Mia Foundation," explains Dianna.
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