AFTER an accident five years ago, I have dreadful scars all over my body.
I've never had a sexual relationship because I don't want anyone to see them, but the boyfriend I have now, I've been with for 18 months, and he's keen we should.
I don't know what to do, but I'm sure he will be put off by them; if I don't though, I could lose him.
AY
FIONA SAYS: However bad your scars are, they are a part of you and, if your boyfriend cares about you, he will accept them.
You gain nothing by keeping them a secret from him and, if you hope to stay together, he must find out sooner or later.
He has probably been wondering why you've avoided an intimate relationship so far, so explain to him about the accident and about your concerns.
If he cares for you, I am sure his reaction will be one of sympathy not rejection but, if he does seem a bit taken aback, don't take this to mean it's over – give him a chance to adjust.
If I am wrong and he does reject you, try not to feel too bad about it because it's his problem, not yours – it shows he's immature and you'd be better off without him.
HE WANTS TO SEE ME WITH SOMEONE ELSE
MY boyfriend is obsessed with the idea of seeing me make love to another man.
I have told him many times that I think this would be a bad idea, but he won't let it drop.
I'm sure it will only cause problems, but he says I am being stupid as many other people do it without any problems at all.
He says he loves me, but he won't stop going on about it, and I'm wondering if I should agree – I wouldn't want to lose him.
LR
FIONA SAYS: There are people who do this, but it's not that common, and it has to be by mutual consent.
Trust your instincts – if it's not right for you, don't do it.
If your boyfriend keeps pressurising you and doesn't understand that it's not for you, perhaps you should reconsider your relationship with him.
Pressure is not the behaviour of someone who says he loves you.
It's very wrong of him to label you 'stupid', and his lack of respect for your wishes is worrying.
I think it says volumes about how he really feels about you, so be firm in your refusal to do this, because even if you do split up, it wouldn't be as bad as losing your self-respect.
I'VE BECOME A RECLUSE
FOR about two years I have avoided going out unless I have to, as I'm sure everyone is looking at me and making fun of my weight, my height or the way I talk.
My husband tries so hard to encourage me, but time and again I have simply stayed at home, often missing important family occasions – most recently a wedding.
I know I am being silly and I get very angry with myself for being like this, but I just can't help it.
What's the matter with me?
CK
FIONA SAYS: When you meet people socially or see them walking down the street, do you make instant judgments about them based on how they look?
If you do, you are very much in the minority.
Only insensitive, stupid people make snap judgements on appearance alone.
You obviously have a very poor self-image and I wonder what caused this.
I suspect that you are depressed too and would strongly advise you to talk to your GP.
I think you need help to work through your problems, so ask your doctor for a referral to a counsellor.
WHY WON'T HE COMMIT?
I'VE been going out with my boyfriend for nearly two years now and as we work together, we are rarely apart.
Everyone says we're made for each other and I am hopelessly in love with him.
If I say I love him or talk about our future though, he gets a bit edgy.
In all our time together, he has never said he loves me, although he did once say that he will always be my best friend.
That's not enough for me and I can't help but wonder if he's building up to leaving me.
I would be devastated if this happened as I love him so much.
Why can't he see that he means so much to me, and make more of a commitment?
TG
FIONA SAYS: I'm sure he recognises how you feel, but I suspect he's not ready for a long-term commitment. Sadly, there is little you can do to force the issue as, if you pressure him, you are likely to drive him further away, and that's the last thing you want to happen.
The fact he is still around is encouraging – perhaps all he needs is more time.
There could be any number of reasons why he feels this way.
Maybe he's been hurt previously and is reluctant to risk committing himself, or he has children from a previous relationship which makes him hesitate.
Whatever his reason, you must decide whether you're prepared to wait.
His feelings may grow to the point where he feels ready, but they may not.
If you can't wait, be the one to call an end to things.
That will be hard as you work together, but if you're in control over when and how the break happens, it will be easier for you than if he ends the relationship.
If you can wait, enjoy the friendship you have, but live with that and don't expect more.
