Life

Mind Matters: A Christmas thank you to all parents

Take time to reflect on the difference you make to your family and loved ones as a parent yourself – it is important
Take time to reflect on the difference you make to your family and loved ones as a parent yourself – it is important Take time to reflect on the difference you make to your family and loved ones as a parent yourself – it is important

AS we approach the festive season, it is interesting to notice how one’s take on the Christmas season can change as the years pass by.

For children, this can be the most magical time of year as the December gives way until the big day arrives in the midst of all the preparations, decorations and celebrations.

For any of us who are parents, it is watching the enthusiastic child, especially when expecting Santa Claus to visit, that makes this time of year so special. Of course we are now accused of making Christmas too commercial, too American and letting it stretch on for too long. But it offers welcome mid-winter respite and, as life seems to get busier and busier generally, one of the best chances to get to properly catch up with loved ones and friends, and if possible to try to take a break and not plan anything for a few days at least.

For parents, we all try do our best to provide an enjoyable Christmas for all, and for some this can come at the end of a long year, which may have had its own frustrations and difficulties, especially if you have struggled with issues at home or in work or the community, or if your family has been touched by grief and loss, or is impacted by addiction or physical or mental health issues.

I have often noticed that the parents who seem to put the most effort into making this a special time for family and loved ones, are those who have had a challenging year. This build-up can put people under additional pressure, especially if they spend money they don’t really have, if others do not appreciate the efforts being made or if a reunion with family or friends does not go as expected.

Of course with the combination of extended time together and possibly more alcohol than might be usually consumed, older tensions may arise and new cycles of falling out, not talking and bearing grudges can begin. The pro-active parent who tried to make it a special celebration for all, can be blamed for not equally considering the feelings and preferences of each individual.

Being a parent is probably the most difficult job going, and this can be the most difficult period of the year, with so much to consider and balance. None of us would be here if others had not raised us and cared for us.

As a parent, you keep the show on the road 12 months a year, regularly put the needs of others in front of yours and make an extra special effort during the festive season.

Hopefully your efforts will be acknowledged and highlighted by all concerned, but if not, taking time to quietly reflect on the difference you make to your family and loved ones – it is important. At whatever stage of life you are at, if you are lucky enough to have your own parents still with you, then this is as good a time as any to thank them for all they have done for you over the years and all the past Christmases.

And for those of us who remember our departed parents and will visit a grave over the holidays, saying a few words of gratitude always seems to help on what can be a day of mixed, bittersweet emotions. Wherever you are, I hope you and your family have a peaceful and restful Christmas, and best wishes for 2017.

:: Dr Paul Gaffney is a senior clinical psychologist.