LAST time I looked we mums were being criticised for rocking up to the school gates in our flimsy negligées, cheap pyjamas and housecoats.
But this week we've come full circle and now we're apparently treating the school run like it's an actual catwalk runway – spending too much time and too much money on early morning fashion for ourselves, mimicking supermodel Elle McPherson at the school gates and not giving two hoots about our poor offspring's uniforms.
According to research, parents are handing over more money to look fashionable for the school run than they do on actual school uniforms for their kids – feeling under pressure from the Judgmental Yummy Mummy brigade.
I don't know where this research was done – I'm thinking Kensington in London – but researchers most certainly did not ask me, or any of the mothers struggling to get their kids to school on time at the schools I frequent. Otherwise, I'm afraid, the headlines would still be screaming about Mammies in Pyjammies.
I have four kids to get up in the morning – an epic task in itself. I have to feed them, wash them, brush teeth and hair – sometimes with the same brush.
Find long lost shoes, bits of stray homework under the bed, large paper mache Norman castles, items beginning with T for the sound table, tiny bits of paper that need signed urgently, four lunches and four sets of PE gear. Literally the last thing on my mind is fashion or being the thinking Derry man's answer to Kate Moss.
I'm a reporter, and on any given day I could be up a mountain in a field full of cows or standing outside a courthouse for hours in the rain.
I dress less to impress and more for the weather. My school run uniform is skinny jeans and a T-shirt. If you're lucky I'll brush my hair and stick it back in a ponytail.
My face is sans make-up. When the kids are all safely dropped off, I pull the car over and put make up on and fix my hair for work so as not to scare anyone.
When I return to pick my children up in the afternoon the teachers sometimes do not recognise me. I imagine they think I'm their mother's more glamorous, less zombie scarecrowish younger sister. Behold the wonders of make-up!
I do see the odd Yummy Mummy rocking up to the school gates looking camera-ready like they have been summoned to an emergency Vogue photoshoot at 9am.
I would have to get out of bed at 5am two days ago and have a craic team of hair and beauty consultants to look that good. But then there's the small matter of me not being bothered and liking sleep too much.
There is too much competition at the world's school gates these days. That small area has such a large concentration of female competitiveness it would break any Richter scale and all the bitchy vibes make me feel ill.
Mums, whether consciously or subconsciously, constantly want to outdo one another in the style stakes, with their brand of car, their choice of partner, the size of their house and their kids' academic success and grades.
Thank God it's not like that at any of the schools I know. The mums I meet are my friends and the ones who might judge me for my lack of make-up or less than Vogue-ready appearance aren't worth knowing anyway.
My priority is that my kids are well presented, fed, on time, cared for, have manners and treat others with respect as well as doing well in school.
I don't want to teach my kids to judge people on appearances alone or material wealth. I don't want them to look at people and the clothes they wear and think them a success or failure.
At the same time, I would respect them more than to rock up to school in my pyjamas or even that Cher outfit from the Turn Back Time video I keep threatening my older boys with when they say I am embarrassing. You want to see embarrassing?
I say each to their own. If some mums want to get up at 6am to straighten their hair, paint their nails, put on full make-up and don a designer frock, more power to them.
I prefer an extra hour of beauty sleep and the natural look. I think bed-head-hair is back in fashion now anyway, so I'm already winning.
