WHY do celebrities wed if not to give the rest of us something to talk about? And who better to spill the beans on A-list nuptials than a sleb wedding planner.
Heat magazine did us all a favour and interviewed Mark Niemierko who you undoubtedly remember as the man who sorted out the flowers and favours for the wedding of Rochelle Humes to Marvin and James Corden to Julia.
Mark was exactly how Sleb Safari hoped he would be; fabulously indiscreet.
“One bride wanted a cake that cost £25,000. Another bride said: ‘I hear you’re friends with a famous cake-maker in New York. Let’s get her to make the cake. I don’t care what it costs, let’s get it on a private jet’.”
Mark reeled in the ridiculousness… Then let it out again.
“In that instance, I said: ‘No, that’s ridiculous – I’m not wasting money on a private jet’. Instead, I built a cake garden. You walked behind these hidden doors to a secret garden where I’d dressed male models as gardeners. They were serving espresso martinis and loads of pudding. That cost £40,000.”
Another victory for common sense…
If you’re recently engaged and starting to think about saving for your wedding day, take heart: the weddings Mark organises cost on average £250,000. Who doesn’t have that down the back of the sofa?
And PS, that includes the dress but not the honeymoon.
"Regardless of if you are famous or not, you will go over your budget. Everybody does,” Mark counsels.
"I met a couple once who wanted to spend £35,000 and they ended up spending £300,000. People don't realise what things cost."
That couple clearly didn’t.
Turning his attention to James Corden’s 2012 wedding, Mark spilled the beans on the behaviour of certain guests.
"At James Corden's wedding, there were certain celebrities phoning up and asking for the best room at Babington House. I'm quite a direct person, and I said, 'I'm really sorry, the best room is obviously going to the bride and groom then the next best is probably going to go to their parents. You will be allocated a room and it will be fabulous.' Considering James and Julia were paying for it as well, it was a bit cheeky."
The indiscretions didn’t stop there.
"There was one particular celebrity, who was coming to the evening party at James's wedding, who I now can't listen to any of her songs because she was such a diva. She kept phoning up about the taxi situation, and I said, 'Look, it's absolutely fine'. I remember saying to her: 'This isn't the Brit Awards, it's a wedding!'"
And if Mark knows anything about wedding days it is this – no-one really needs Beyonce as their wedding band.
"I've had brides that say, 'I am so rich, I want Beyonce to perform and I want Cirque du Soleil to appear from the ceiling'... I could think 'I'm going to make some money out of this', but actually I say, 'Why? Why are we having Beyonce?' Every wedding should have a story and a personal meaning and that's the charm of a beautiful wedding. At the end of the day, people fall in love and want to declare that. I think sometimes people lose sight of that."
Oh Mark, you old romantic.
Rihanna's Pop-Up Shop
YOU catch Sleb Safari as it rushes out the door to catch a flight to Paris. Sleb Safari isn't going to the city of love to sneak a peek at the Eiffel Tour. It isn't going to cruise up the Seine. It isn't even going to eat its own body weight in croque monsieurs and escargots.
It is, in fact, Paris-bound because Rihanna has opened a pop-up shop in the French capital and Sleb Safari simply must have a pair of her £25 toeless socks to wear with her £67 pink fluffy flip flops and then it'll look exactly like Rihanna. Right? Isn't that how this works?
Mariah Carey, queen of the quotes
MARIAH Carey, the elusive chanteuse, always gives good quotes and she has outdone herself in an interview with Complex magazine.
Remember her “unrelenting campaign against unflattering fluorescent lighting”? She’s gone one better.
Our butterfly, our too-special-to-walk-must-be-carried icon, has spoken to the magazine about her music, her relationship with fiance James Packer and even her forthcoming 46th birthday.
“I don’t have a birthday. I was just dropped here. It was a fairyland experience.”
Stellar, Mariah.
She also told the magazine that she and the Australian millionaire have plenty to sort out before they get married because of their respective business interests.
“We would like for it not to be a big thing but the reality is it has to be because there’s things that are specifically mine and he’s got huge friggin’ conglomerate stuff and I’m not looking to take that from him so it has to be dealt with...”
And then she hit a home run.
“This will be marriage number three. My bishop said to me ‘I don’t want you to go Elizabeth Taylor on me!’”
“My bishop.” Who else but Mariah would have a bishop? The elusive chanteuse wins again.
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