I'M 82 and, since my husband died five years ago, I find I get quite lonely.
Most of my friends live miles away (or have died) and so I feel a bit stuck.
My mind is still very active although my body lets me down a bit and I can't get out and about as much as I used to.
I have travelled a great deal in the past and now read a lot, love music, the arts and am fascinated by ancient history and archaeology.
I'm not a drinker and pubs leave me cold, but most social activities seem to be geared towards younger people or geriatric bingo.
Perhaps I'm being unfair, but my one experience of a social club for seniors was only one step from the grave!
Surely something must exist that will help me to find companionship that will still stretch my brain?
JK
FIONA SAYS: Loneliness is a problem for many people, and not just for mature people.
It feels as if you are indifferent to things that many other people consider social, like pubs and clubs.
With your wide range of interests, I would have thought you could join any number of clubs and societies that offer the chance to go to concerts or listen to lectures on history and archaeology.
Your local library will almost certainly have lists of all manner of things on offer.
I would also suggest a number of national organisations you might find challenging.
Consider U3A (University of the Third Age – u3a.org.uk) where retired and semi-retired people come together to learn, sometimes from each other, just for the fun of it.
What about NADFAS (National Association of Decorative and Fine Art Societies – www.nadfas.org.uk) where artistic appreciation and the promotion of conservation go hand in hand?
There are many, many more possibilities and I'm sure your local library can help you find them.
Finally, not all social clubs for seniors revolve around "geriatric bingo", so perhaps you could look a little further - you might find some that do things you do enjoy.
WILL I FIND LOVE WITH MY HEALTH PROBLEMS?
OVER the past few years I've had one problem after another.
I was dumped and then divorced by my husband just after discovering I needed a hysterectomy.
The operation didn't go well and I had a succession of infections that meant it took a long time to heal properly.
I've developed food allergies and they have now found a breast lump that probably means I'll have to have a mastectomy.
I'm really not sure how much more I can cope with and I feel so alone and afraid.
I'd like to find love again, but who could possibly want an affair with such a wreck?
JM
FIONA SAYS: You've had a horrible run of misfortune and your up-coming operation is bound to be worrying.
At times it will feel overwhelming, but there is help available if you want it from organisations like Macmillan Cancer Support.
Your immediate priority must be to concentrate on getting over the operation and dealing with the day-to-day problems it may cause.
That's where an organisation like Macmillan can help you, with both information and local support.
Visit www.macmillan.org.uk and find both.
As for finding love again, you never can tell where that may come from.
When you are able to think positively about your future, you'll feel better about yourself and better able to find people to share your life with once more.
SHOULD I GIVE MY SON TO HIS DAD?
I have a son by a man I had a brief affair with when I was at college.
He and I never really got on and I wish it had never happened.
My son is 18 months old now and, in the last six months, my life has taken off.
I have a good job, a new social circle and plenty of interests, so I find that at times now I am resenting having my son around because of the restraints he puts on my life.
I know a lot of people will think I am being selfish for saying this, but I can't help feeling he would be better off with his dad.
My ex is married, but his wife can't have children and he's always said he'd have my son if I ever wanted to let him go.
KD
FIONA SAYS: Many mothers will, from time to time, chafe at the restrictions put on them as they bring up their children and, for a lone parent, this feeling must, inevitably, be worse.
Yes, you'd have more freedom if your son was adopted by your ex and his wife, but that's a very dramatic step to take.
For a start, does she know about this and would she be happy having a constant reminder of her husband's infidelity?
You and he had a baby together and your responsibility to that child means you can't just parcel him off because you want more freedom.
Furthermore, you may find your emotional ties are stronger than you expect.
Before you decide, why not contact a support group for lone parents and talk through your feelings with others who are in a similar position?
I suggest you speak to Gingerbread (gingerbread.org.uk) and if, after that, you still feel you want to part from your son, contact your local social services department and do things properly.
I DON'T KNOW WHY MY HUSBAND LEFT
Three months ago my husband walked out on me.
We've been married 15 years and I had no inkling anything was wrong until he announced he was going and went the same day.
He said he wanted space to sort himself out; I've tried to get him to explain exactly what it is he wants to sort out, but he won't talk about it.
I've sent him regular letters and presents, but his sister has told me these were actually making it worse for him.
I am now at my wits end and if I only knew what was wrong, I might be able to do something about it, but not knowing is making the whole situation unbearable.
LW
FIONA SAYS: If your husband won't talk to you, there isn't much you can do.
I agree he is being unreasonable, but how you tackle his stubbornness will depend on what level of risk you are prepared to adopt.
You could, for example, arrange to see a solicitor and talk over your legal position.
Your husband might see that as a threat, but I am not suggesting this will automatically lead to divorce.
It would probably help you to know where you stand though and it might make him realise he cannot ignore your feelings for ever.
Alternatively, you could adopt a gentler strategy and simply step away in order to give him as much time as he needs.
That might eventually bring him back, but it will also mean he is dictating the pace of any likely reconciliation, whilst you are left with nothing but uncertainty.
You could suggest – perhaps via his sister – that he talks to a Relate counsellor in order to help the situation (www.relate.org.uk).
Finally, I definitely think you should stop sending him letters and presents.
It makes it look like you're begging so, were he to come back to you, it could alter the balance of your relationship and that could make you even more unhappy than you are now.
