A HIGH-flying female American author last week caused such a storm of controversy over her new novel that the sheer weight of mummy vitriol against her nearly knocked earth off its axis.
Thirty-eight-year-old Meghann Foye brought out a work of fiction called Meternity, about a woman who fakes pregnancy to get fake maternity leave, as in a big long relaxing holiday to herself so as to reflect on her life, as in 'me-ternity' leave.
It wasn't the book that had the mothers of the world up in arms, for people have written books about aliens, living in a magical kingdoms under the sea and indeed time travel and the mummies of the world didn't mind one bit. Not it was the fact that Meghann – perhaps guided by PR gurus who may have graduated from the 'controversy, no matter how awful, gets column inches' school of marketing – herself believes that childless women are entitled to 'me-ternity' leave of their own so they can have a good old relax and a nice reflect on their lives.
The author last week told the New York Post that she believes 'me-ternity' is a sabbatical-like break that allows women and, to a lesser degree, men to shift their focus to the part of their lives that doesn’t revolve around their jobs. She says she was jealous of co-workers who had time off to have children.
“For women who follow a 'traditional' path, this pause often naturally comes in your late 20s or early 30s,” she says, “when a wedding, pregnancy and babies means that your personal life takes centre stage. But for those who end up on the 'other' path, that socially mandated time and space for self-reflection may never come.
"When I graduated from college in the early 2000s, I enjoyed the same unspoken expectation shared among my fellow Gen-Xers: If you poured your heart and soul into your career, you would eventually get to a director level and have the flexibility, paycheck and assistants beneath you to begin to create a work-life balance. Then the 2008 recession hit, and people were lucky to have jobs at all. Assistants and perks disappeared across industries, and I felt like the cultural expectation was that we should now be tethered to our desks and our smartphones.
“And as I watched my friends take their real maternity leaves, I saw that spending three months detached from their desks made them much more sure of themselves. One friend made the decision to leave her corporate career to create her own business; another decided to switch industries. From the outside, it seemed like those few weeks of them shifting their focus to something other than their jobs gave them a whole new lens through which to see their lives.”
Now Meghann, in her glaring naivety, has perpetuated the myth that maternity leave is a lovely perk, that it's a walk in the park, that's it's all lounging around, lie-ins, sipping cocktails of an afternoon and having a laugh.
Only a person who doesn't have children could possibly think maternity leave is a 'break'.
Bringing a human into the world, sometimes via major surgery. Advanced exhaustion like you have never experienced. Strained relationships. Not having time to shower, change out of your night attire or indeed brush your very hair. Feeling like a failure. Sleeping for two hours in 24, not all in the one block. Dealing with a colicky child 24/7. Worrying, day and night. Post-natal depression. The list of the gruelling, ceaseless tasks of new motherhood would take up 10 pages. It all sounds like a nice week in a spa doesn't it?
Maternity leave is so far removed from a holiday that it's practically on the moon. It's hard, it's gruelling but it's also crucial and medically proven to help with the bonding of mother and child. And this author's comments are an insult to parents everywhere.
I don't think it's insulting to debate work/life balance. Realistically workers should not have to stay at their workplace until they are so exhausted they dream of having six months off and are jealous of their co-workers heading off to take care of their children.
All jobs offer paid holiday leave.
If you need a holiday, Meghann – and after looking at the abuse you've faced in Twitter this week I strongly believe that you do– take one. Just don't minimise the work that goes into nurturing a child for the first year of its life by branding it 'Meternity' leave. Because once you have kids, believe me, when your child is newborn, having a five-minute shower feels like a luxurious weekend in a spa.
