Delete, Delete, Delete, BBC 2, Tuesday at 11.15pm
If you haven’t come across Delete, Delete, Delete - the new Patrick Kielty show - you must go out of your way to see it.
It’s mind-blowingly awful in a way I haven’t seen since RTE did an Irish dancing version of Strictly Come Dancing.
Celebrity Jigs ‘n’ Reels was a cracker. It could only be watched in 10-minute bursts, but had wonderful powers of cheering up a quite evening. To the best of my memory it was won by nimble-footed Olympic gold medal boxer Michael Carruth, which surely must be worth another watch.
I can’t find the winning dance on YouTube but the entire opening episode is there, presented by the one and only Marty Whelan.
Anyway, back at BBC Northern Ireland and Kielty’s new comedy chat show is based on the internet history found on the laptops of celebrities.
“Well known faces hand over their laptops to Patrick Kielty and invite him to discover what their internet history can reveal about them,” says the website.
They do nothing of the sort of course.
It feels horribly safe and scripted with nothing in any way properly revealing about the celebrities.
Speaking of whom - last week we got actor Jason Watkins (kind of familiar looking), Countryfile’s Ellie Harrison (not a clue) and comedian Chris Ramsey (nope)
Delete, Delete, Delete feels like an idea from five years ago when social media was new and people weren’t bored of group selfies.
And even then it wouldn’t have been funny.
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Keeping ‘er Country, BBC 1, Monday at 10.45pm
From the same BBC Northern Ireland stable, Keeping ‘er Country is a far more honest style of programme.
It’s a vehicle to promote Nathan Carter with the BBC happy to go along for the ride and pick up a few viewers.
Carter, a 25-year-old from Liverpool who found fame in Northern Ireland’s unique country music scene, seems to have poached most of the Daniel O’Donnell fans who can’t forgive him for getting married.
In the best traditions of pop music, Carter is keeping quiet about his own romantic involvements and is officially “looking for love,” keeping his legions of young and old female fans hopeful.
It’s hardly significant programme making from the public service broadcaster, but it’s an inoffensive show and he seems a nice lad who travels with his nan.
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The Masters, BBC 2, Sunday at 6.30pm
No wonder Sky is willing to pay huge amounts of money to get exclusive access to the world’s top sports events.
The Masters golf on Sunday proved again that there is no television excitement and drama to compare with that supplied by sport.
Jordan Speith’s collapse on the back nine, including a quadruple-bogey seven on the twelfth will live long in the memory.
It was all the more special because, I suspect, it will be the last time the great Peter Alliss will be heard commentating on the BBC.
The 85-year-old master was due to retire in July when the BBC broadcast the Open championship for the last time.
He could have retired at the home of golf at St Andrews last summer but Sky was not due to take over until 2017 and it was suggested that he would stay on to go down with the BBC this summer at Troon.
Instead the broadcaster slithered off early, saying they needed money for important things like Eastenders and handed the prize to Sky.
We'll be the worse for the loss of free-to-air golf and the end of Alliss's 45-year broadcasting career.
