Gwyneth Paltrow gets stung by bees because she wants to
IT SEEMS as though it was all of five minutes ago that Sleb Safari was pontificating on Gwyneth Paltrow’s Sex Dust smoothies and here we are again, despairing over GP and her penchant for unnatural/natural (delete as you see fit) health treatments.
Gwyneth’s latest revelation concerns angry bees. To whit, she allows them to sting her in the name of wellness.
It is, she insists, a “thousands-of-years-old treatment called apitherapy”.
Gwyneth summed it up neatly for The New York Times thus: “It’s actually pretty incredible if you research it. But, man, it’s painful”.
If Sleb Safari’s eyes ever roll under the sofa you’ll know that Gwyneth’s antics have taken their toll. If that day arrives please don’t approach Sleb Safari with angry bees. Superglue and a bag of Revels will suffice.
Gwyneth says bee venom therapy has been used “to get rid of inflammation and scarring” and while Sleb Safari will readily admit that it doesn’t have answers to all the ‘whos’ and ‘wheres’ and ‘whys’, its pain-free research disclosed that the therapy has been sought by people with arthritis, multiple sclerosis and high blood pressure.
The treatment involves guiding bees towards an acupuncture point on the body and allowing them to sting.
Sleb Safari is somewhat of an expert, having watched a YouTube video of a man undergoing bee venom therapy on the Martha Stewart show. In fact it might set itself up as a practitioner. It’ll serve up Sex Dust smoothies as a post-sting treat and all for the princely sum of £200.
Gwyneth says she tried the angry bee thing because she’s a “guinea pig” who’ll “try everything”.
“I’ve got to try them all. I love acupuncture. Also, I just heard of a service called a sound bath, which might be too hippie-ish even for the likes of me. It’s some new healing modality. I might not be able to handle it.”
Give it a lash Gwyneth, guinea pigs never say no.
The next thing on her wish list is cryotherapy which, according to the British Association of Dermatologists, (never let it be said that Sleb Safari stints on research) “literally means ‘treatment using low temperature’ and refers to the removal of some skin lesions by freezing them”.
Sleb Safari daydreams about finding time for a facial. How the one per cent live. Sleb Safari looks forward to hearing about Gwyneth’s time in the sound bath and whether the quartz crystal singing bowls soothed her stings.
High Five Cameron Diaz and Wentworth Miller
THE celebrity sassy lady award this week goes to Cameron Diaz for her sleeves rolled up attitude to ageing.
“We can’t keep young forever and I’m not a superhero and can’t age backwards, and I’m not going to beat myself up for that,” she told the-pool.com
“That’s my experience in life and for me to embrace and engage with. That’s my responsibility and however anyone else wants to view my ageing has nothing to do with me. It’s how I do it, it’s my life and how I live.
“And that’s a conversation that I want women to understand – we don’t have to do this to each other and we don’t have to do it to ourselves.”
High five Cameron Diaz.
And high five to Prison Break star Wentworth Miller who shamed the shamers with grace.
He responded eloquently to a meme that made fun of his weight by pointing out that the photo had been taken at a time when he was suicidal and “I was looking everywhere for relief/comfort/distraction. And I turned to food. It could have been anything. Drugs. Alcohol. Sex. But eating became the one thing I could look forward to. Count on to get me through… And I put on weight. Big f***ing deal.”
The actor said that when he first saw the picture “it hurt to breathe” but that now he can look back on that time and recognise “my endurance and my perseverance in the face of all kinds of demons”.
High five Wentworth Miller.
The Voice of the Fire Service
SAD times for last year’s winner of ITV show The Voice who’s returned to his old job.
Stevie McCrorie is going back to work as a firefighter in Scotland after the music career that he was assured was ahead of him didn’t materialise.
Ahead of this year’s final he sounded a note of caution for the finalists: “I'd tell them to go for it, but not to expect too much from it; just do it because you want to sing and you'll get some exposure.”
The X Factor and The Voice are phoney yawnfests that are long past their sell-by date. Scrap them now, please, TV bosses.
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