SLEB Safari is furious with Jennifer Aniston, utterly furious. For years people have been asking Sleb Safari and Jennifer how we stay in shape and Sleb Safari has always side stepped the question but Jennifer has gone and given away our secret.
Now everyone’s going to look as good as us. Sigh.
Jennifer gave the game away in an interview with Well and Good for its Day In The Life section.
Warning: our routine involves three workouts. Every. Morning.
If she’s working Jennifer starts her day at 4.30 or 5am but if she’s signing on she flings open her curtains between 8 and 9am and makes her “standard cup of hot water with a slice of lemon”.
“Then I wash my face—my whole face regime is just soap and water to wake myself up… I never linger too long anywhere, to be honest; things need to be as easy as possible.
“There’s usually some sort of meditation at that point. Usually 20 minutes, or 10 if I can’t get the full amount of time."
After the face washing and the meditation “we have some breakfast.” Yes we do Jennifer. But this is where Jen and Sleb Safari differ. Where Sleb Safari has a Sex Dust Smoothie, Jennifer prefers a shake “with some sort of pure protein, then bananas, blueberries, frozen cherries, stevia, a vegetable mix of dynamic greens that goes in there, maca powder, and a little cacao”.
Her other breakfast options are toast and poached eggs with some avocado or millet cereal with almond milk and bananas.
Jennifer also takes a collagen peptide daily. Here comes the science bit. Concentrate.
“I’ve been seeing a difference. My nails are stronger and there’s a healthier… how do you explain it? A glow. It’s sort of that working from the inside-out thing.”
After all that eating and meditating you might think a nap is called for. Wrong. This is when Jen squeezes in three workouts.
“I have a trainer, a wonderful woman who I do this spin-yoga class [with]. We spin for half an hour, and then do yoga for 40 minutes. That’s pretty intense.
“Then I go to a gym, where I do strength training or just my own thing on the treadmill, the bike, or the elliptical, just to change things up. Keeping your body confused is always the key for me.”
Sleb Safari can second that. Between the breakfast shake, the meditation and the intense workouts Sleb Safari's body doesn't know whether it's hungry, exhausted, zen or ready to star in a rom com.
It's not easy being Sleb Safari or Jennifer Aniston but we're not going to apologise for setting the bar so high.
Suri Cruise's Creative Differences
SURI Cruise, daughter of Katie Holmes and ex-husband Tom Cruise who once bounced on Oprah Winfrey's sofa to emphasise how in love with her he was, has been making some pretty big decisions of late.
A 'source' (read: whisper on the wind) told the New York Post's Page Six that the nine-year-old fired her guitar teacher over "creative differences". So far so very Mariah Carey.
Page Six's source (a cloakroom assistant with a vivid imagination?) said Suri dished the dirt when she and Katie were backstage meeting the Broadway cast of School of Rock: The Musical.
Someone asked Suri if she played an instrument and, according to this source (a programme seller with phenomenal hearing?), she said that she "used to play the guitar" but had parted company with the teacher.
The teacher was "a very nice person" but it didn't work out, apparently.
Good for you Suri; it's important to know when to call it quits. At age nine Sleb Safari would have happily kicked its violin teacher to the kerb had it known there was a creative differences clause in the teacher/student contract.
High Five Melissa McCarthy
SASSY lady of the week award goes to Melissa McCarthy for her comments on body image and how there’s no ‘normal’.
“I know I am not the ‘norm.’ It never occurs to me in terms of being a role model, though, because I don’t know any perfect women.
“If I, off the top of my head, name 20 of the most amazing women in my life, it’s all shapes, sizes, ages, colors, jobs. I can only go off my reality.
“What people pass off as ‘normal,’ I just have to keep in my head that it’s bulls**t. It’s all fictitious, made-up stuff.”
High five Melissa McCarthy.
Social Media Watch
I know my fans miss seeing moi on TV, so print this picture and tape it to your TV so I can be part of every show! pic.twitter.com/lpR6T6AQ7o
— Miss Piggy (@MissPiggy) 29 March 2016
