LOOKING for a new house? You're in luck because the Playboy Mansion is on the market. There's only one problem – Hugh Hefner comes with the house.
The deal is that the buyer gives Hefner, the 89-year-old codger behind the Playboy empire, a life estate ie: he can continue living in the property until he dies.
If Sleb Safari was the new owner it'd want to erase the Gothic pile's history (and give it the deepest of deep cleans) and having Hefner rattling around the place in his silk pyjamas would get in the way of that.
Sleb Safari once read an article in Esquire magazine about the octogenarian's life in the Playboy Mansion and it consisted of movie night five nights a week and one games night so potential buyers had better like old back and white films. And perhaps they can do what they like on the seventh night.
The property is on a five-acre site in an area of Los Angeles known as Platinum Triangle which sounds more like a 21st century credit card than an exclusive area.
In addition to a four-bedroomed guest house the mansion has 29 rooms (which is a bit smaller than Sleb Safari's used to so it'll have to rule itself out of the bidding war) including a games room, cinema room and wine cellar, as well as a small zoo and aviary plus pet cemetery, an orchard, tennis and basketball courts, swimming pool, waterfall and the infamous grotto.
At one point the grotto was thought to have been the source of a Legionnaire's disease outbreak. And other outbreaks, Sleb Safari bets.
The house has an asking price of $200 million which makes it the most expensive finished house on the market in the US. Sleb Safari heard it on the real estate grapevine (ie: it read it in a magazine) that the house is in disrepair and the asking price unrealistic.
Apparently "the house is a tear-down and the real value is the acreage”.
Yes, Sleb Safari would also tear the place down. More for hygiene than the peeling wallpaper. Still, at least it knows what to buy the new owners – industrial strength bleach or a wrecking ball.
Birthing partners: Brooke Shields and Katie Holmes
BEST celebrity outrage story of the week goes to Brooke Shields who had baby girl on the same day and in the same hospital as Katie Holmes – but attracted a lot less attention.
Brooke and Sleb Safari are old friends, having holidayed together in Lake Como last summer. Separately. There was a communal lunch. Where Brooke's massive party of 50 dined at one end of the restaurant and Sleb Safari's party of two at the other.
OK so Sleb Safari and Brook didn't exchange words but there was definitely a connection. Anyway, Brooke told SiriusXM of the events of April 18 2006 at St John's Hospital in Santa Monica.
"We sneak in. I get to my room. It's all top secret. I'm under an alias because we had a decoy car because people had been following me to the hospital," she explained.
"We get upstairs and I look out the window and there's helicopters and movie cameras downstairs and news cameras outside.
"I was like, 'This is an outrage! Who alerted the media? Can't I just have a baby?' And the nurse comes in and she's like, 'Honey, it's not for you'.''
High five Brooke Shields, Sleb Safari loves a lady who can laugh at herself.
Get a pizza the action this Valentine's Day
VALENTINE'S Day is a month away and Sleb Safari has already rustled up the perfect gift for its plus one – a little something from the Pizza Hut clothing range.
The restaurant calls its merchandise Hut Swag which is a name Sleb Safari might steal if it ever puts together a boyband.
The Hut Swag includes bed linen, black T-shirts with slogans like 'My pizza my life', leggings, socks, skateboards, sunglasses, scarves and baseball caps.
For this Valentine's Sleb Safari has gone for the scarf and baseball cap combo which have pepperoni pizza printed all over them. They're really rather tasteful don't you think?
What, you think it's a cheesy gift? That there's mushroom for improvement? You're such a weirdough.
Social Media Watch
#tajmahal #engaged pic.twitter.com/tj5H0E7h3X
— Stephen webb (@Stephenwebb71) January 11, 2016
