Life

Leonardo DiCaprio and his near-death experiences

Leonardo DiCaprio has been talking about his near-dear experiences. By Sleb Safari's calculations he has another six lives
Leonardo DiCaprio has been talking about his near-dear experiences. By Sleb Safari's calculations he has another six lives Leonardo DiCaprio has been talking about his near-dear experiences. By Sleb Safari's calculations he has another six lives

IMAGINE, if you will, a world without Leonardro DiCaprio. Terrifying isn’t it?

Sleb Safari doesn’t want to kill your Christmas buzz but it would be remiss of it not to bring you the latest from our Hollywood friend who has opened up about a number of near-death experiences.

"If a cat has nine lives, I think I've used a few," is how he summed it up in Wired magazine. Now take Sleb Safari's hand and let it lead you down a danger-strewn path.

First there was a ski-diving incident. In brief: the instructor had to cut the tangled parachute strings mid air, then *spoiler alert* the strings on the second parachute were also knotted… but the instructor “kept shaking it and shaking it… and he finally unravels it in midair. The fun part was when he said, 'You're probably going to break your legs on the way down, because we're going too fast now'.”

*Second spoiler alert* Leo neither died nor broke his legs.

Cat’s life number two was a brush with a shark. Sleb Safari has no sympathy for Leo in this instance because he was cage diving which involves being lowered into the sea inside a steel trap while chumps in a boat throw chump to attract sharks.

The way Leo tells it a “Great White jumped into my cage”.

“Half its body was in the cage, and it was snapping at me… The great white took about five or six snaps an arm's length away from my head. The guys there said that has never happened in the 30 years they'd been doing it."

And so to Leo’s third brush with death: the exploding aeroplane engine.

"I was in business class, and an engine blew up in front of my eyes,” our star explained. There’s only one part of that sentence which Sleb Safari wants to be able to drop into conversation.

“…I was sitting there looking out at the wing, and the entire wing exploded in a fireball. I was the only one looking out at the moment this giant turbine exploded like a comet,” he continued.

“They shut all the engines off for a couple of minutes, so you're just sitting there gliding with absolutely no sound, and nobody in the plane was saying anything. It was a surreal experience. They started the engines back up, and we did an emergency landing at JFK."

Imagine, if you will, a world without Leonardo DiCaprio. Now spare a thought for the handful of Victoria's Secrets models who never got the chance to date him. Tragic, isn't it?

Mandy Moore's pet care expenses

AND so to the divorce courts where Mandy Moore and estranged husband Ryan Adams are slugging it out.

The former couple have tied themselves in knots over money and the minutiae of their wranglings offer an insight into how the one per cent lives.

Mandy has filed for spousal support and wants her ex to help pay for the care of their two dogs and six cats.

She spends $2,600 per month on the pets and told the court that although she loves the critters "it is overwhelming for me to take care of all eight of them all the time".

On top of that she once had to "cancel a prior work engagement because my housekeeper was ill and unable to stay with our pets”.

Does $2,600 sound excessive to anyone else? What are these pets living on? Beluga caviar?

Last minute DIY Christmas presents

SLEB Safari likes to think of itself as a helpful sort and extends this bonhomie to Christmas and in particular to anyone gripped by the fear of last-minute present buying.

If you are clueless about what to get for the lady in your life look no further than this Karl Lagerfeld candle which can be enjoyed by everyone from your wife to your granny. Better yet, you can make one at home and save yourself a small fortune.

Don't look at Sleb Safari like that. If you can't knock this up in five minutes with a couple of bits of cardboard, scissors and a glue stick then Sleb Safari despairs.

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