Life

Sleb Safari: Married at First Sight and it didn't work out

Channel 4 show Married At First Sight matched three couples who met for the first time on the day of their wedding
Channel 4 show Married At First Sight matched three couples who met for the first time on the day of their wedding Channel 4 show Married At First Sight matched three couples who met for the first time on the day of their wedding

SLEB Safari comes to you this week with the startling news that one couple from the “groundbreaking social experiment” and reality TV show Married At First Sight have had their union nullified.

Kate Stewart and Jason Knowles (Sleb Safari shall henceforth refer to the plaintiffs as `those two eejits’) got married for the purposes of... for the purposes of... come back to Sleb Safari in half an hour when it might have a reason why anyone would marry a total stranger.

Anyway, those two eejits were matched after extensive compatibility analysis (read: the work experience girl checked their star signs) and they met at the top of the aisle and got married, only to break up two weeks later when the groom swiped left on the marriage.

It’s never a good sign when your spouse is on Tinder and Kate found out through a friend, on camera.

She told the Channel 4 film crew: “A friend just sent me this and so I guess that’s it – the ring’s coming off. Instead of coming to meet me right now to talk this through, he’s searching for a new wife on Tinder.”

Kate took her marriage vows that bit more seriously and booked them a session with a counsellor but Jason didn’t bother to turn up. Probably on a date.

He told the show he’d found their honeymoon a bit odd.

“We would kiss and cuddle but it's a strange thing to be lying next to a complete stranger night after night.”

Why yes that rather was the point of Married At First Sight. Was he looking at his phone when Channel 4 explained the concept?

The couple have now legally ended their eight-month marriage and likely did the same jump for joy as Nicole Kidman when she got divorced from Tom Cruise.

Katie Holmes did something else entirely. She ran off to New York in the middle of the night and hired a security team. Nobody ever said ending a marriage is easy.

Other news which will come as no less of a shock than the revelation that marriages between two strangers end in divorce is confirmation that Simon Cowell had a passionate love affair with Botox.

Not only that, Simon has admitted he went a bit too far with the facial paralysis.

“Hopefully I look better now - I probably did have a little too much Botox a couple of years ago, because everyone on TV has it,” he told The Mirror.

And there we have it, people are injecting toxins into their face and marrying someone they’ve never met because the telly told them to. The world has officially gone to hell in a handcart. Pushed along by a television executive.

Peri-Peri Chicken For Will Young

WILL Young, the man responsible for Leave Right Now - which happens to be one of Sleb Safari's favourite songs - is looking for love and you, yes you, could be the man for him.

Will's trying out internet dating and says he's just as happy to go on a date with a fella from Kwik Fit as a pop star.

“Why not? I don’t have a preconceived idea what a guy from Kwik Fit is like and they shouldn’t have a preconceived idea about me either," he told The Times.

"What’s the worst they can do? Post a bitchy comment on social media saying, ‘Will Young didn’t pay for peri-peri chicken’?”

Will Young, you are a gem. Can Sleb Safari take you out for peri-peri chicken?

Competition

BOOZEHOUNDS, here's your chance to win four bottles of Wolf Blass wine.

Since its inception in 1966, Wolf Blass Wine has won more than 8,500 awards for their range of Australian wines packed full of ripe and juicy character and smooth texture.

The Wolf Blass winery uses coloured labels to differentiate its wines, from the entry-level Red Label to Yellow Label, then moving into President’s Selection. To get the perfect food and wine pairing experience visit www.wolfblass.com.

To be in with a chance of winning a selection of four Wolf Blass wine, answer the following question correctly:

In which country is Wolf Blass based?

Email your answer to competitions@irishnews.com and mark it Sleb Safari/Wolf Blass competition. The deadline is noon on Wednesday November 4 and usual Irish News rules apply. You must be 18 years of age to enter. Please remember to consume alcohol like a sensible person.

Social Media Watch

SLEB Safari would love to be adopted by the Clooneys. 

ADOPTED! Millie was adopted by George Clooney and his wife Amal!! Millie, a bassett hound, now has a new brother named Louie who is also a rescue! Congratulations and thank you for adopting!! Posted by San Gabriel Valley Humane Society on Wednesday, October 28, 2015